I am. It’s 2:45 am and this is the second time in a week that I’ve bolted up in the middle of the night. Wide awake. This is not normal for me. It only happens when I’m sick or I’m troubled . In this case, it is the latter. I’d rather be sick. Not terminally, please God. Maybe just a little cold. Nevermind.
Yesterday, I had a long talk with the Cowgirl. We have been closer than sisters since middle school. We’ve weathered all things together since that time, barring a six-month period where we didn’t talk because I was a horse’s ass. Thank God she forgave me because that entire time I felt like my right arm was missing. Don’t want to ever revisit that “season” of friendship. It was a horrid drought. But I digress.
When we were much younger, we talked at least twice a day and probably saw each other three or four times a week. That’s what you do when you’re younger. These days, we are lucky to have a good long confab when time allows. She emailed me yesterday morning, and before she received my pithy response, she read this blog. She also reads between the lines. We cut right to the chase when we talk … no “Hello there, how’s it going?”. More like “What the HELL is going on?”.
The Cowgirl has excellent people skills. And she is well-loved by any and every one she’s ever met. I respect her opinions, whether I agree or disagree with them. And damn if she isn’t right 99% of the time. She asks me the hard questions and she tells me the truth. That’s what she did yesterday. My tendency to keep my upsets bottled up inside went right out the window when I answered her phone call.
Yes, there is something amiss between me and a very important person in my life. Cowgirl read me the riot act, told me to grow “some” in the nicest way possible, be true to myself, honor what’s in my heart instead of reacting to a sensitive situation like a teenager. No whining about another’s behavior if mine doesn’t pass the acceptable level. If love is as important to me as I know it is, then I have to lead with it. No matter what.
So I have extended an olive branch – or three – to someone who means so very much to me. It is now 4 am. The olive branches have not been acknowledged. And there is nothing more I can say or do at this very moment. Except try to go back to sleep. Ha!