My life is so exciting! As if ….
- I have a cold in my nose. My head is a liquid storage unit. Where’s the chicken noodle soup and cozy bed? Apparently not at this address.
- John Mayer should be the next “Bachelor”. He has proven himself perfect for the spot. He’s an idiot. Note to John: only open your mouth to sing.
- Cooper needs an attitude adjustment. When I got him from the dog rescue people, he was well-mannered and shy. He knew he’d won the dog lotto. His good fortune has gone to his head as he has turned into a ferocious, demanding manimal. Ughh! If he’s going to be so assertive, he’d best learn how to light a fire, change lightbulbs, and fix a flat tire.
- What do stores do with all the leftover Valentine’s, Halloween, Easter, and other celebration candy?
- The word “leftover” gives me the creeps. Is there another, more palatable word for too much food to eat at one sitting?
- When you lose something and are frantically searching for it, why do people ask where you lost it? Really.
- Why does food taste so much better when you have a few drinks under your belt? More than once, I’ve had a cocktail or three and then gone out to dinner. Every bite is Fabulous. When I return to the restaurant, sober and hungry, the food is barely edible. Note to self: drink or eat, not both.
- My recession responses: home dry cleaning, cutting landline service to the quick, walking instead of driving, slashing “beauty” regimens to shreds, no clothing purchases unless price is reduced by at least one-third, dining out maybe twice a month instead of twice a day, freezing my ass off when it’s cold, and sweating like a pig when it’s hot.
- I don’t like to sweat like a pig in my home. I need to infiltrate the community of air-conditioning professionals around here and charm one of them into gifting me with a new condenser unit. Like that’s going to happen …
Oh well. Just thinking.