Danger: Thinking Again

My life is so exciting! As if ….

  • I have a cold in my nose.  My head is a liquid storage unit.  Where’s the chicken noodle soup and cozy bed?  Apparently not at this address.
  • John Mayer should be the next “Bachelor”.  He has proven himself perfect for the spot.  He’s an idiot.  Note to John:  only open your mouth to sing. 
  • Cooper needs an attitude adjustment.  When I got him from the dog rescue people, he was well-mannered and shy.  He knew he’d won the dog lotto.  His good fortune has gone to his head as he has turned into a ferocious, demanding manimal. Ughh! If he’s going to be so assertive, he’d best learn how to light a fire, change lightbulbs, and fix a flat tire.
  • What do stores do with all the leftover Valentine’s, Halloween, Easter, and other celebration candy?
  • The word “leftover” gives me the creeps.  Is there another, more palatable word for too much food to eat at one sitting?
  • When you lose something and are frantically searching for it, why do people ask where you lost it?  Really.
  • Why does food taste so much better when you have a few drinks under your belt?  More than once, I’ve had a cocktail or three and then gone out to dinner.  Every bite is Fabulous.  When I return to the restaurant, sober and hungry, the food is barely edible.  Note to self:  drink or eat, not both.
  • My recession responses:  home dry cleaning, cutting landline service to the quick, walking instead of driving, slashing “beauty” regimens to shreds, no clothing purchases unless price is reduced by at least one-third, dining out maybe twice a month instead of twice a day, freezing my ass off when it’s cold, and sweating like a pig when it’s hot.
  • I don’t like to sweat like a pig in my home.  I need to infiltrate the community of air-conditioning professionals around here and charm one of them into gifting me with a new condenser unit.  Like that’s going to happen …

Oh well.  Just thinking.


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