The Bachelor: Cheese & Sleaze

 I am such a loser.  Apologizing every week for watching “The Bachelor”. Not gonna do it anymore.  There’s only one more show airing next week.  Of course, I’ll be watching.  You can’t make this stuff up.  The girlie recap last night takes the cake so far.

  • Jake lives in Texas.  Texans are humiliated by this.  We hope he moves to another state pronto.
  • Before boarding a plane, ask who the pilots are.  Do you want Jake to be in charge of your life for one second?  I don’t.
  • Didn’t think it was possible for him to top all the cheese ball lines he’s uttered on the show, but he did last night.  He told Gia, “…my heart was crying when I said goodbye to you“; really Jake?  Can you explain how a heart “cries” for the rest of us?  Surrender your pilot’s license and go to work at Kraft as head of the CHEESE division.  You are head cheese.  Look up that recipe. 
  • The show had its own “back patting” segment regarding charity donations.  Why wasn’t money given to a mental health group? Michelle was sitting right there on the stage.  Clearly psychotic, Michelle’s delusional rants beg for a straitjacket intervention.  Shame on you, Bachelor, for not taking care of your own. She is one dangerous chick.
  • The contestants are on the show to be “discovered”.  My oldest daughter (22) and her friends LOVE to watch the show and howl.  She and her roommate actually went online to sign up.  As a joke.  They had to fill out two pages of questions – probably along the lines of “How big are your boobs?” and “Do you mind having sex with a stranger who is having sex with 10 other women at the same time?”.  When completed, the show asks for 15 photos.  Who has 15 photos of themselves?  Wannabe actresses and models, that’s who.  What’s love got to do with “The Bachelor”?  Absolutely nothing.
  • Ali is a little smart.  That may be stretching it, but she chose her job over Jake.
  • Tenley is a giant goober and Vienna is a bottom feeder.  Jake is going to get what he deserves, no matter which girl he chooses.  Tenley will perform one too many Jake dances; Vienna will dump him like a hot rock.
  • Rozlynn has a Ph.D from the Bill Clinton School of Denial.

For a hilarious recap of the show, check out Eudi Pak at  Funny. Funny.

2 thoughts on “The Bachelor: Cheese & Sleaze

  1. HAHAHA!!!! So laughing and agreeing at the same time, and I wouldn’t miss that show for ANYTHING!!! Love Jake as head CHEESE at Kraft…you are too good!!!!!

  2. Only one more evening of Jake! God is good!

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