I know why I’ve been wearing my shoulders as earrings: subconscious fear of corporate world. More specifically, ginormous fear that I’m going to have to re-enter corporate office job in order to pay bills and receive benefits. Stay with me here – this is not a rant, whine, or entitlement thing. Just do not work or play well in white-collar world. Like a balloon losing all its air, I just go flat doing the 9-5 office thing. Square peg, round hole, period. And am scared to death I’m going to have to go there again.
I’ve had a number of corporate jobs. And a bad attitude. I go in with high hopes. At some point, I come untied, all the air whooshes out of me, and my attitude circles the drain. Have had amazing friends throughout my many careers; friends who have hired me or have been the North Star pointing me in the direction of my next desk or yoga mat or oven. You know who you are and I am forever grateful. Fact is, I work best in creative environments where I’m allowed the freedom to do my work and manage myself. Jeans as uniform always a plus. Don’t even start thinking “spoiled brat”. I have paid my dues many times over. That is not up for debate.
I should be out pounding the pavement, looking for another corporate job with benefits. Just can’t pull the trigger … yet. I love my current job; the environment, people, work is awesome. But it isn’t a 40-hour week situation and never was presented as one. I’ve started baking, but that isn’t going to pay the bills … yet. My head is definitely stuck in the dough, for now.
Don’t want to go into the whole “lucky to have a job – any job” crap. Just need to get my thoughts out of my head, lower my shoulders, and breathe. I am perfectly capable of doing whatever it is I have to do in order to make everything work. Always have been and am assuming I can put on my rally cap and do it again. Really do appreciate all the helpful advice and inquisitions – seriously, know they are coming from a concerned place. But have to make a rule now. Only accepting wisdom on this topic from single heads of households. It’s one of those “you really have to have experienced the walk in order to talk the talk” sort of situations.
Worst nightmare? Mos def. Different from anyone else in my position? Not a minute. Praying for Divine Intervention? You betcha.