Dating Application

Back in the stone age, my uncle Harold (of “Hark, Harold, The Angels Sing“), sent me this form. He believed it would be a good thing to hand out to boys who wanted to date my daughters.  While it was a MAJOR FAIL at our house, this application could be of some help to you.  Sharing:


*Note:  This application will be considered incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a financial statement, job history, lineage and a current medical report.

  1. Name: _____________    Date of Birth: _______________
  2. Height: ____________    Weight: __________  IQ:____
  3. SSN#:___________  Driver’s License: ____________
  4. Boy Scout Rank: ________________
  5. Home Address: ________________
  6. Do you have a van? _______  A monster truck? ______  A water bed? __  Number of piercings? ____  Tattoos?_______
  7. In 50 words or less, what does late mean to you?
  8. In 50 words or less, what does the phrase “Don’t Touch My Daughter” mean to you?  Please include an extra 50 words on your understanding of the word “abstinence“.
  9. When is the best time to interview your father, mother, and priest?
  10. Please answer the following questions.  Be candid.
  • If I were shot, the last place I would want to be wounded is in the _____.
  • If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my __________.
  • A woman’s place is in the ______________.
  • The only thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is _____________.
  • When I meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is __________. (If  the answer to this one begins with T or A, discontinue and leave the premises, keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion.)
  • What do you want to be if you grow up?

I swear that all the information above is true to the best of my knowledge under the penalty of death, dismemberment, Native-American ant torture, crucifixion, electrocution, red-hot pokers and Chinese water torture.


 Signature (that means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest.  Please allow four to six years for processing.  You will be contacted in writing if you are approved.  Please do not call or write.  If your application is rejected, you will be contacted by a gentleman wearing a white tie and carrying a violin case.                                                                                                                                                 —————————————————————————————————

This is for those of you with daughters … and all the young hobgoblins who show up on your doorstep to woo them.  GOOD LUCK!


32 thoughts on “Dating Application

  1. What a hoot, wittten obviously by a dad of a daughter. Perhaps you remember the father’s prayer, O God, Please don’t let any one near my daughter who is nearly as bad as I was at that age.

    I once saw a little girls t shirt in the Mall of America and it said across the front; “my finger might be small, but I can still wrap my daddy around it.”

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  2. That’s wonderful; I’m going to pass it along to my son and my brother.. Both of whom have 2 daughters.
    “the last bone I’d want broken….” forgive my naughty mind but I couldn’t help but go there!! Too funny…

  3. I’m tempted to write one for girls who want to date my sons…

  4. Just hit “print selection” – I am not above severe mortification of my pre-teen. 🙂

  5. As a guy dating a girl with a father who COULD have a form like this, your post is both hilarious and a bit close to home. What fun!

  6. That’s funny – my two favourite lines:

    What do you want to be if you grow up?
    The only thing I hope this application doesn’t ask is _____________.

    I’m glad I avoided this gauntlet growing up. 🙂

  7. Love it! And will probably use it. Thanks for sharing.

  8. Interesting details to fill out

  9. Yep, my daughter’s dad and her future step dad are making copies as we speak. LOL. I have never seen such protective men in my life. I think her almost step dad is the worst of the two. Very mis-trusting, it’s so cute.

  10. Love it. This is such a riot!

  11. LMFAO!!!

    Anyone I would want to date would fail that test. Big time. I never was one to stand the “good guys.”

    Can I steal it and post it?? This is hysterical….

  12. Maybe this form be adapted to use for myself and friends….

  13. AMEN SISTER! Love the built in waiting period.

  14. My dad would love this. Too much. Good thing he never got a copy way back when. 🙂

    Also, in response to a previous post, I thought of you last week — I work for a nonprofit and we had our end-of-the-fiscal year annual fundraising party. I was wearing a lovely chiffon wrap dress for the occasion, when what do you know, I go to hold the door open for someone with one hand (glass of wine in the other). Suddenly, a gust of early summer wind made its way out the door and through my dress. Needless to say, I was more exposed than I would have liked — and I dumped the wine all over the place in my attempt to save my dignity.

    Sorry for writing a novel in your comment box — just thought you’d appreciate this story. 🙂 Cheers!

    • Absolutely appreciate the story!!!!! Hope you got more wine out of the deal. Maybe if we wore Mormon undergarments, it wouldn’t matter what blew up or fell off. Nah, not a good look. Cheers to you!:)

  15. Nikki, my only regret is not being there to observe. Winds bestow upon us guys a great view that we really appreciate.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder

  16. Pingback: Rules For Dating My Son « Blogmella's Handbag Of Wisdom

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