Swimming in the Shallow End

 

What a coincidence! I find myself starting out anew (again!) and “Eat, Pray, Love” is in movie theaters. Maybe I should go to Rome, India, and Bali to find myself. Oh, wait. I’m not independently wealthy. Oh, wait. I have responsibilities that require my attention. Oh, wait. I am too old to run away (hint: celebrated sixth birthday awhile back). Oh, wait. I have love, family, friends, and a life I’m not walking away from, no matter how twisty it is. The only commonalities I share with Elizabeth Gilbert are divorce and a yoga practice. 

 

When I read her book years ago, I admit, I enjoyed it as a fantasy mapping the personal journey of a privileged woman “find” herself in exotic locales. Period. The hype, the hysteria, the overblown promotion of the movie is ridiculous. It’s just a book, just a movie, just entertainment, just about as “deep” as a pie pan. There’s a place for entertainment and no, all movies can’t be “The Hurt Locker“, but EPL is NOT the new lifestyle bible for women who find themselves up a creek without a paddle. This is not an Oprah moment, ladies.  I don’t want to have to bring this up again.  Now, on to other nonsense I’m thinking about: 

  • I hit hobbies hard and then lose all interest ( a few of the million projects shown below).

Kanzashi silk flowers

 

needlepoint

 

knitting

 

  • It’s absolutely nuts to have a rigid life plan. I believe this because no matter how hard you try to stick to wherever it is you think you are going, there will be all sorts of hijinks on the journey requiring you to jump, stoop, turn left when you want to go right and vice versa. Needless to say, my life plan is … flexible.
  • Job suggestions so far: move to a tourist town in the middle of Texas and start a cleaning service for all the B&B’s (fail); become a demo lady at Sam’s or Costco, cooking tidbits in a weird pan and handing them out to the starving shoppers (I don’t think so); apply for staff position at French château making beds and washing dishes(change of scenery, wear REAL French maid costume every day, polish up my foreign cuss words – this one might have legs, cin); reactivate my real estate license (kill me first, please). These are all good jobs that I wouldn’t be good at but never say never, right?

 

  • Suggestions for the interim time: buy a lobster at the grocery store and take it for a walk, hop on one leg all day, send excited replies to all the male enhancement spam that is sent specifically to me even though I’m not male and have no equipment to enhance; drive around and wag my finger at nose pickers, go to the courthouse and marry my dog; the possibilities are endless …
  • Do anonymous good deeds all day long. Key word: anonymous. This is fun. But I can only be good for a limited amount of time. Like 30 minutes.
  • Explore new hobbies … learn to cook Elvis Presley’s favorite foods, collect pantyhose, raise sea horses for fun and profit, wear a fake nose and see if anyone notices, count how many balloons I can blow up before passing out.

All kidding aside, there is volunteer work to be done. There are responsibilities to take care of. And, I can always kick up the fine art of procrastination a couple of notches despite the fact I’ve already got a black belt in that category. One thing I won’t be doing is going to see a certain movie based on a certain book …. 

Later.

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37 thoughts on “Swimming in the Shallow End

  1. I am so torn about seeing the movie – and can’t remember another “just fluff” movie that stirred up so much controversy!

    • I think the movie is probably entertaining “fluff”, if you are in the mood for it, go and be entertained. And you are spot on about controversy – ridic. Happy weekend 🙂

  2. I am not crazy about that book either. Teehee..i like the walking the lobster part. Cracks me up!

    • Hey FT – the only problem with walking a lobster around here is the poor thing would cook before we got around the block, it’s so hot here. But that doesn’t mean I won’t give it a go …. 🙂

    • Hey Cin – thanks for the link! In real life there is no way I would ever touch Elvis food, would probably have a heart attack just buying the ingredients! Happy day 🙂

  3. You, my dear friend, are equisitely talented in so many areas…no wonder it is hard to sort out your best contribution to focus on. You are magic. Love you most.

  4. I have had Eat,Pray,Love sitting on my bookshelf for a year and I haven’t quite got round to picking it up yet!

    Totally agree about the life plan – there is just no point!

    • I have so many books I pick up and put back down. Instead of letting them gather dust, I’m going to donate them somewhere … I take your copy of EPL with me if you want. Life plan …. hahahahah – glad you agree! Thanks for coming by, Karen. 🙂

  5. Hmmm…I’m happy in my own skin. A trip to India, Rome or Bali isn’t going to make it any better. No matter where I go, there I am and life is good.

    • And that resonates in your writing and that is a wonderful, wonderful thing! And that is how you muster the gumption to deal with all those idiots you have to deal with. Yes, when you consider the alternative – life is really good.

  6. I like that raising sea horses idea…so much more compact than real horses (and less poop)!

    Sounds like you’re feeling more like your old self…

    Hugs,
    Wendy

  7. I used to love knitting while watching a movie, but I haven’t done that in over a year, so I’m making collecting panty hose my new hobby.

    Responsibility, schmonsibility. When I win the lottery, we’re going to Rome.

  8. Yes, you, too, can become a famous panty hose collector – hit the talk show circuits, make a movie about how you “found” panty hose … you don’t even have to win the lottery – book our flights to Rome right now! (I am assuming I’m going with you/will act as panty hose agent for nominal fee).

  9. I steadfastly refused to buy that book because it goes against my religion not to finish reading something I started. I just didn’t think it was worth going to my personal version of hell over it. And doing life plans are against the Religion of Lisa, too. Anything that I just know will make me feel less of a happy human is against the RofL. I had decided back in June to make this the Summer of My Content and have steadfastly been throwing (metaphorically and literally) the shit out of my life. It’s working so far.

    • Lisa, am so with you on NOT reliving personal version of hell! It was against my religion not to finish a book until about two years ago. I was struck with the notion that I make some stinky choices sometimes and they didn’t deserve the time they would suck up. So, if I don’t want to finish, I toss. Am so interested in Religion of Lisa … please tell more! My twist on it is that I am calling September the beginning of the new year… we’ll see how that goes 🙂

  10. I have the same misgivings about this movie but mostly cause I saw an interview with the author on Oprah and it was CLEAR that she left her husband cause she was bored and wanted something better and was living with some guy right away…then went off on her quest. I never want to emulate someone who uses peoples as tools for her own self-enlightenment. Never.

  11. sheez, I remember when Shirley Valentine was released, every middle aged women was AWOLing.
    Hmm, I just made some mini muffins and now I am completely over them. Anyone want a mini muffin tray, used once 😦

  12. Wow, finally someone said it!!! I read the book, as I’m on my own memoir journey, and enjoyed it. Period. The movie is not going to be at all like the spirit of the book.. it looks overblown and overpromoted. Look for EPL calendars and journals for 2011… Betcha!!!

    A great book about journey is My Life as a Female Nomad, by Ruth Golden Gelman.

    Interesting list of possibilities you raise. I’d keep the needlepoint (one of my all time passions) and dump the pastel ties…unless you design them for sex play?

  13. Walker – they already have EPL “tours”, “groups” and all other assorted barf. So you can put all your money on the calendar situation. I have Gelman’s book – will read. My whole house is needlepoint, alas, can do no more but glad it’s your passion – so beautiful. Hahahahaha – pastel ties – that was my “attempt” at knitting – didn’t know how to go right or left so just kept going. Will donate to Goodwill this morning. Ha, you make me laugh!!!!!! P.S. too itchy for sp 🙂

  14. I think there are a lot of lost people out there who don’t know how to be happy, so latch on to other people’s attempts and hope it works. Elizabeth Gilbert’s journey worked for HER, it won’t work for Jenny Housewife.

    I wish I knew the secret to happiness and how to tell other people to find it, but life is all about the journey and everyone’s idea of happy is different and personal. Sigh. I’m lonely and sad right now because of the end of an unhealthy relationship, but I know that another man won’t make me happy, I have to find that on my own.

    I enjoyed Eat, Pray, Love because it spoke to me in a personal way but I’m sure as hell not going to go to Bali or India or Italy to change my life. And I’m def not going to see the movie!

    Cheers to you for being independent and inspiring and confident. I aspire to such an attitude. 🙂

    • Becky, you need to look in the mirror – YOU are independent, inspiring and confident even if you don’t feel that way. Your adventures have been AMAZING and they continue … yes, we each have to make our way. I think happiness sneaks up on you when you finally throw up your hands and blow off the worries and just be. Plus, you’ve made huge leaps and bounds on your journey. I aspire to your attitude. So there! 🙂

  15. I read your post to my husband just now and we laughed until we cried. You have a gift and I hardly think your future will include the French maid outfit. I’m curious to see where your feather of destiny will blow next. You gotta love that Forest Gump movie! My husband sends his cudos.

  16. Oh, JoDee – thank you! Tell your husband “hey” for me. Good grief, I hope I don’t have to wear a French maid outfit. Yes, feather of destiny – pray it blows exactly where it is supposed to! 🙂

  17. Ok,ok I get it. I’m independent, inspiring, etc. I’ll try and say that to myself every morning. 🙂

    (Crazy how much a man can f*** you up, isn’t it?)

  18. Howdy fellow crazy twin sistah gurl—

    One of my recent status updates was eerily similar– “… has an itch to go climbing, refinish furniture, learn silversmithing, organize the snot out of the family photos, call EVERYONE, hangout in a hammock, and thoroughly study more subjects than can be listed in a status update, among other things. maybe sitting still for a bit longer is in order instead.”

    My friend tells me it’s an excess of Vata. I just stood there and blinked at her while my brain tried to process whatever the hell she was talking about.

    Meanwhile, she was doing the same blinking thing right back at me.

    :-O

    Road trip it to the East Coast– methinks we’d be DANGEROUS hootin’ it up.

    • I AM SO IN – what should we pack? Vata, that yoga thing, you know, sister! After we tear up the East Coast, should we venture on to … Europe? Have a grillion Amex points … see where it takes us?

  19. In the meantime…write a book? It’s a hassle. It’s ten times worse than a script. No, a hundred and one times worse. I wrote it. That was OK. I’m still editing it. It’s a bitch. I love it….

  20. And I am impressed! It is hard, isn’t it? Keep at it, Dizzy

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