Life around here is so bloody boring, I’ve taken to re-reporting news, lying, and confirming suspicions that I’m demented. My family must be so proud. But I digress …..
Florida Reverend Terry Jones isn’t going to burn the Quran after all. But the story keeps changing by the hour. Methinks he’s been influenced and encouraged to back off! This guy has blown smoke up global petticoats, getting all sorts of attention. And nine years later, Osama bin Laden has yet to be located. My head just exploded.
Msn.com offered up some pretty interesting – if not totally weird – stories today. The first one I read, about Old Salty Restaurant in North Carolina, was entertaining. Allegedly the Old Salty owner has posted a sign which reads, “Screaming Children Will Not Be Tolerated.” Gotta love her. She says business is better than ever. There are, of course, discrimination issues boiling. Call me a knucklehead, but I didn’t know that screaming children who disrupt the ambience in a restaurant were under attack. I’m with Old Salty, but I think she should add the following to her sign: “Parents Who Sit There and Let Their Children Scream Will Not Be Tolerated, Either”.
The medical news was repulsive. One of my good doctors told me that a generic medicine can be as much as 25% different from the more expensive original. I found that dismaying until this morning. In a story by Maria Szalavitz, it was revealed that our medicines – depending on what you need – can have sewer swill, nun urine(!), rooster combs, Gila monster slobber, viper venom, and/or sea-snail poison as ingredients. Don’t even get me started about the nun urine. Remember, my head already exploded.
For those of us watching our budgets, which probably includes 99.9 % of the population, Investopedia had a piece on overpriced products. This list included movie popcorn, greeting cards, college textbooks, bottled water, printer ink, and brand name fashion. Who can afford to buy the popcorn if they do go to a movie? Plus, it’s my personal opinion that the “butter” is strangely similar to suntan oil. The college textbook scam has been going on since …. college had textbooks. As for bottled water, the article said at least 48% came from the tap. Which means I will be offering izziedarling kitchen hogwash for the very low price of $4/bottle in a store near you soon.
Liar, Liar, My Pants Aren’t On Fire
I told a boldface lie yesterday. Tried to tell the truth but it was rejected. An elderly man was sitting in a taxi across from my townhouse. I had to take Cooper (a.k.a. spawn of Cerberus) on a walk. Walking past the taxi, the gentleman asked me if Coop was a Border Collie. I said, “No sir, he’s a JackRat.” He asked me again, “Is he a Border Collie?”. I said, “No sir, he’s a Jack Russell”. He asked me the same question again. I said, “Yes sir, he’s a Border Collie”. Now Cooper is about as much of a Border Collie as I am, but the man wanted to hear what he wanted to hear. So I lied.
Sad but True: Am Nuts
I read this thing online that outlined how to answer surveys and make money. I was all over it – work in nightgown, tell the truth, and make money? Really! That was three days ago and guess how much I’ve made? Two cents. Swear, that would be one penny and one penny. So, let’s all go to Old Salty and have a round of Gila Monster slobber on me! Oh yeah, leave your screaming children at home … or with Reverend Jones; I have a feeling he’s going to be on a new career path.