Flying Boogers and Bad Medicine: Two Men Behaving Badly

I am not CEO or General Manager of the universe. Shocking, but true. Nevertheless, there is some nasty business that has unfortunately come to my attention and  MUST be addressed. If you are the least bit squeamish, get some ginger ale.


Public Nose Pickers, especially Line-Cutting Nose Pickers

Is it “Finger Up Your Nose Month”? If so, I missed the announcement and refuse to participate. Apparently many people opted in. I’ll give you one example. Dig this (no pun intended) … by some miracle, am standing in First Class line at the airport. There’s a line. Am decked out in flight gear – jeans, t-shirt, dark glasses, baseball cap – and standing in line because I follow rules at airports. When we are just about to board the plane, a local “captain of industry” strides right up to the front of the line and inserts himself. Bad behavior. Cutters suck. He’d already settled into his seat when I boarded so I pulled my cap down so he wouldn’t recognize me. As I was settling into my seat, two rows behind and other side of aisle, Mr. $1000 Suit proceeded to down two glasses of wine while picking his nose and flinging the contents into the aisle. Not just once, either. The woman in front of me turned around and said, “Did you see that?” I nodded, replying in a loud voice, “He’s just a gross line-cutting, nose-picking, booger-flinging moron.” And then ducked behind my seat, partially because I’m a chicken but more to avoid his nasal debris.

Saw Mr. Nose Finger again just weeks ago but was able to avoid him due to large crowd. Every time I see him, the only thing I think is:


Dr. HickDead

It’s no secret that I detest my GP. Haven’t changed because I only have to see him once every couple of years. Until recently. Had to fast and go into his office for a bloodletting. Have I heard the results yet? No. Have I received a bill for $400+ for the lab work? YES. His nurse called me last week and asked for my phone number. WHAT? Apparently Dr. DoDo called my number – the same number the nurse was speaking to me on – and he said it didn’t work. Methinks he doesn’t work. Woke up this morning to a message he’d left on my cell last night. Late Sunday night. Saying he’d call me back. His casual approach to medicine would indicate to most that I’m 100% perfecto, but no, he’s the sort who would say, “Uh, you’re half-dead but I can only think of one thing at a time so, uh, I’ll look up your stuff in that big book thingee and call you back.” MORON. DOUBLE MORON. Contact your patients when you get their reports and then bill them. Don’t call on Sunday, period. Oh, and by the way, YOU’RE FIRED!

Over both of those losers.







24 thoughts on “Flying Boogers and Bad Medicine: Two Men Behaving Badly

  1. Bwahahaha … both kinds abound around here, you’d have to exist on a diet of Valium if you lived in SA.

  2. I haven’t seen any booger pickers lately, but judging from the number of nasal bombs I find on the restroom walls, they are out there in gross numbers. No pun intended.

  3. I’d have been forced to make some smart-Alec remark to the nose-picker… I can’t abide people who push in. I’m British, after all. We do queuing like nobody else. Italian queues scare me in that they don’t exist. It’s just a free-for-all. And then I have to shout at them all.

    I’d definitely have done a big, sarcastic ‘Excuse me… I CAN see you, you know!’ or ‘Your mother must be so proud’.

    One day, I will get stabbed or shot for this, I know.

  4. I just CAN’T stand public nose-pickers – one of the most gross things ever. And people who dig around in their ears. I see so much of both of these disgusting habits on public transport here in London – eeeeuuugh! You always make me laugh!
    Sunshine xx

  5. Spitting in public is illegal in some jurisdictions…why can’t they extend it to nose-picking? Reminds me of the time my best friend and I were in the dime store at lunch time when we were in high school…Angela saw one of the ladies working the lunch counter wipe her nose on the dishtowel! Needless to say, we never contemplated getting their blue plate special after that!


  6. Is CEO of the Universe an elected position? If so, you got my vote!

    What is it about rich, old guys? For every dollar they make, they seem to forget a social grace and eventually end up with no manners whatsoever. I work with a couple. It’s disgusting.

    And, yeah. You totally need to ditch that doctor. Did he get is medical license off the back of a cereal box?

  7. Amy – this booger moron isn’t even an old guy – yikes, no telling what he’ll fling as he ages – just don’t want to be in vicinity. Yes, Dr. did get license from box of Captain Giggles. He did call last night and I’m not half-dead. Or at least that’s what he said after googling my report. Meh!

  8. Another hilarious post! But ewwww on both stories. Boogerman and Loser Doc. Lol. There’s a lot of those boggermen around SF too. Scary. What got me totally weird this a.m. is that this woman was coughing and sneezing non-stop on train, but she was just hacking it up without covering her mouth. People should stay home if they are sick. If they have to come out and share the love, they should at least carry some tissues or hankies or whatever that they can use to cover their mouths. Even if it’s just allergys, it’s still disgusting. And she was wearing a scarf too. She could’ve use f’ing scarf to cover mouth instead of spreading germs all over! I thought about telling her to do that, but didn’t because she was just non-stop. I promptly move my ass to another car.

  9. I must say i haven’t come across a booger eater for years but I have seen a few sleeve wipers. Dear god, how hard is it to find a friggin tissue 😦 . I wonder how many poor friggin waiters find nice booger surprises in their cloth serviettes ?

  10. I have actually had people get into my car, pick their boogers, and then flick them on the floor. I can also relate with the sneezing all over you part. How gross! Recently, I actually felt the person’s spit land on my face. I so enjoyed your post.

  11. Wow Izzie! Seems like you have gone beserko since I left! Good for you! Give em Hell! You go get some girl! Get some! 🙂

    Public booger flicker would go well with the dude cutting his toenails in public at the airport that I saw.

    • YOU’RE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!! Welcome home, you BIG IDIOT! Have missed you turbly. And, for the record, I’ve always been beserko, you know that! Don’t even get me started on nails. Meh!

  12. Um, ew. The polite thing for him to do would be to eat them. At least that’s taking his trash with him that way.

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