Search Engine Psychos: Look Elsewhere Or Else!

In my world, I associate clowns with scary psychos. The Disturbed Ones.  There ARE some very disturbed people out there; the search engine terms they’ve used to find this blog make me look like the picture of sanity.  My team of psychiatrists, therapists, and med dispensers will be overjoyed. Really.

I was inspired to write this after reading a post by my friend, Wendy/Writerwoman61; she’d researched search engine terms people used to find her blog. As an indian, not a chief, I decided to copy her. Yes, I am terribly original. But not as original as the true oddjobs who’ve used the following terms to find me.

*WARNING! Do not read while eating. Search engine terms used here are overwhelmingly preoccupied with women’s lingerie and restroom habits. What does THAT mean? No, don’t tell me. Here goes:

  • Heart and cardiac and dental: govthis would be from my rant on health insurance; probably my health insurance company logging reasons to drop me. This being America and all.
  • Karen Carpenter: have never written anything about Karen Carpenter. WTH?
  • OK Google Why Should I Buy a MINI Cooper?: didn’t ask Google. Is Google the Wizard of Oz? I’m not in Kansas anymore?
  • Sweat Homes: excuse me, misguided person, I believe you’re looking for a sweat LODGE.
  • Orange Pantyhose: not in my wardrobe, you jackwagon.
  • Office Skirt Facial: unfortunately, it gets weirder than this, I promise.
  • When Skirt Falls Off: it did.
  • The Day My Panties Fell Down: wrong person, wrong panties.
  • Oh, My Knickers Fell Off Again and Again: see above.
  • Happy Birthday Pajamas: am I dim, or is this a nice term for “naked”?

I can’t even type some of the others as they are beyond foul. I will leave you with the most bizarre term I’ve ever been associated with and I don’t like it one bloody bit: plastic panties stuffed with pudding. Are prison residents allowed computer access? Insane asylums? To the pervs who find this blog by mistake – or at all – please search elsewhere. Get off my grid.  Capiche?

Yes, I am Grumpy Grumbleton today. Deal with it.

Later.

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40 thoughts on “Search Engine Psychos: Look Elsewhere Or Else!

  1. Thanks for the shoutout, Izzie!

    “plastic panties stuffed with pudding”???? Perhaps a dementia patient who’s worried she’ll be hungry later?

    Thanks for the giggle!

    Hugs,
    Wendy

  2. Anytime, Wendy! Thanks for letting me steal without asking. That last one is gagarama. x iz

  3. Hey guess what!!! I typed that Plastic Panties pudding thingamabobber and it took me right here!!! Hmmmmm……. Wonder what would happen if I type in that exact search like…..200 more times!…..think how far that will move you on the Google Priority list! You will be the Plastic Pantie and Pudding Queen of the Internet!

    Nah….. You’re a nice gal……I won’t do that to you……

    this time! (evil laugh…cough…evil laugh) 🙂

    • As much as you’d like to be as snarky as this (200 x on internet), you just can’t be, you’re too nice, and you know I will cut you if you do so. In the nicest way, of course. And serve you to my Halloween guests…with fava beans.

  4. Bwahahahaha! As I share my name with a ‘glamour model’ the search yields the mystifying “hot, wet Cindy Taylor” …

  5. Hahahah. That was great! They are SOOO much better than mine! I feel saddened that my only really good one was ‘girls in pants farting’ or something. Who the hell does these searches?! I demand phone numbers!

  6. These are just so bizarre. It amazes me that people actually type those words into google …
    Sunshine

  7. I might have to start using “Happy Birthday Pajamas”!
    And, I’m sorry, but I almost had to click away from your blog when that clown picture popped up. Clowns give me the heebie-jeebies.
    I feel so boring now. Most people find my blog by searching for pumpkins or slutty halloween costumes.

    • I know, clowns creep me out – as do weirdo internet search engine terms; don’t you think Happy BPJ is a “naked” term? You say “slutty Halloween costumes like that’s a bad thing” … hahahahah~

  8. Plastic panties stuffed with pudding? Uhhh…that was me. I was looking for posts that use alliteration. Just kidding!

  9. Wow, Izzie. Just wow. It does boggle the mind to see some o’ those search terms… I’m gonna pay more attention to mine now. Or maybe I shouldn’t? 🙂

  10. OMG thanks for the laughs.

  11. I. Am. Jealous.
    Plastic panties stuffed with pudding? I’d die for a reader with that kind of interests. The only “panty” searcher I ever attracted was looking for Granny Panties. Disappointing.
    I’m apparently less dainty than you (surprise!) so I get all kinds of references to bodily parts.. Stunning. I love looking at search engine terms; specially on a bad day!

    • Walker, do not be jealous. Really~and no, you are no less dainty than me, I believe they type “mind gone, but not forgotten” and that’s how they find me. Whatev. I know you have some great terms you are holding back on!

      • I know I’m dainty.. remember I started blogging as a Delicate Flower!! ha..
        here’s a post all about the crudest of search engine terms.. http://wp.me/pr9en-tG
        The biggest laugh is that I did a post on Alice of Wonderland and Dorothy-sort of a humorous soft soft porn that got over 1000 hits as the Tim Burton movie was coming out… imagine the surprise!

  12. hehehehehe. The irony is, you’ll get even more hits from those terms now that you’ve named them outright. *gasp* Oh the humanity!

    About the only thing I get hit on is “keel da google”. Because I agree with you– they ain’t the Wizard. Talk about creepy….

    *Mwah*

  13. Eck! I get mostly food terms or restaurant name variations…. Once in a while, I will get something odd, or someone using the word ft to link back to me which is quite odd. I don’t click b/c they are probably spam or viruses.

  14. I don’t even want to know what people use to get to me if that was your experience! Clowns scare me too, always have!

  15. Take a deep breathe, go to your site stats and look at your search engine terms. Keep smelling salts in left hand, just in case. Clowns, meh!

  16. hahaha!!!! You make me laugh really hard!!!!

  17. Funny stuff. Ha, examining search engine stats as to why people visit a site is not for the faint of heart.

    I remember doing a post on this topic and found that I received multiple hits on the term “pimp punches.”

  18. Ooohhh she brings out the Hannibal Lecter reference….. I like it! Well played! 🙂

  19. hahahahaha I love it. I think your skirt falling down was one of the first blog posts of yours I read. I was hooked! I thought stuff like that only happened to me!

  20. This is fantastic: The Day My Panties Fell Down

    Can I use that as the title of my next novel?

  21. there are some whacked out people out there! i don’t how to do this kind of search with a Blogger blog. Any hints?

  22. Jillsy – I don’t know about blogger even though I used to have a blog there. But, so to “help” section and ferret it out there. Or Google the whole mess and see what comes up. Happy Halloweenie! x

  23. Uh…I’ve had some weird ones, but you win. o_O

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