It’s Monday: Weekend Insanity Report & Advice Request

I just don’t know what to think. So I’ll just toss it all out there, as usual.

She’s A Bad Mama Jama

In my opinion. This morning, on Good Morning America, there was a story about little boys entering beauty pageants. Apparently, the toddler tiara set is now composed of 10% boy entrants. OK. But I was appalled when one of the boy pageant mothers said, “I can turn my little boys into girls. These are the girls I never had.” This is, to me, a prime example of why some women should never give birth.

Evening of Insanity

That would be last Saturday night. Am not being critical as I was right in the middle of the madness. Actually caused some of it. In my last post, I introduced the electronic yodeling pickle. I call him “Canute” as he is manufactured in Canada. I keep him by the phone; when telemarketers call, they are treated to a concert. I packed Canute along with some adult beverages before we headed out to a gathering Saturday night. Upon our arrival, I introduced the innocent but very talented pickle to other guests. Poor Canute. Before he even got one yodel out, his image was desecrated. “He looks like a green, bumpy d***0 <very personal people pleaser>. And given a new handle, The YoDo. Ridiculous. Improper. Obviously engaged in highly intellectual pursuits, Zorba and ParTay decided to use Canute for prank phone calls. Yes, these can still be done and yes, we stopped maturing at 13. I haven’t laughed that hard in about two weeks. Can’t repeat any more of conversations about Canute but you can be sure that the phrase, “in a pickle” was tossed about in a most unsavory fashion.

At the same event, The Prince asked me why I had so many “blog” comrades who are Brits, Aussies, and South Africans. Well, duh. First and foremost, they are brilliant. And write well. And are hilarious. Then I became thoughtful and realized yet another connection. I have Brit blood. I am obsessed with that medieval bad boy, Henry VIII. My ancestors include Lady Jane Grey, whose nine-day reign as Queen of England ended in yet another headless situation. Which could explain personal insanity, flightiness, and inability to focus on anything (including this topic) for more than two seconds. As well as unwanted comments about my behavior as that of “a chicken with its head cut off”. It is Queen Izzie, y’all. Which has nothing to do with original question.

Latest Search Engine Terms

The terms used to find me are just getting weirder.

  • Car fell off parking garage (obviously an insurance inquiry)
  • Skirt came off my head (not in the habit of wearing my skirt on my head but could happen under the right circumstances….)
  • Plastic panties (mind out of gutter, people)
  • Parking garage facial (hmmmm…no, too bizarre to consider)
  • Chief wiggle eye gluer (can’t fix this … try o-p-h-t-h-a-l-m-o-l-o-g-i-s-t)
  • My boss tucked my blouse in for me (tmi, ever heard of “sexual harassment suits”? Wear one.)

 Enough mischief for a Monday.  Which brings up another question. (Promise to take ADHD meds immediately after this). Ok, new business is a direct result of a blog friends’ suggestion. So, I need some more advice. Regarding marketing. For those late to party, I am selling candles. Great candles.  Am just rolling this out, am still in infancy stage, so my marketing plans has been to contact a few people a week. This has resulted in a nice start on my candle makers retirement fund. The introduction must be handled this way, so she and I can see just how much we can do. Now it is holiday season, people spend more money. Good time to bring out new but not accurate for ongoing sales prediction. My product is under market price. That’s my story and I’m bewildered where/what goes next. Any advice most appreciated.

Later. and merci…

36 thoughts on “It’s Monday: Weekend Insanity Report & Advice Request

  1. Oh, crap…does this mean I fall in with the Canute because I’m Canadian? I want to be with the “brilliant” Brits, Aussies and South Africans (whine).

    Will e-mail you with marketing idea…


  2. You’ve given me a great idea. I’m wondering if I can use my Singing and Dancing Rabbi to entertain telemarketers.

  3. The only thing I will suggest to enhance your Christmas candle sales…. create and market a candle called “IN A PICKLE” Haaaahhhhhh! Aren’t pickles a Christmas tradition in Germany?

    • Par-tay, while you have brilliant ideas as always, I don’t think there is much of a market for “Scent of a Pickle”. In America. Can’t speak for Germany as I’ve spent approximately 5 total hours in the Frankfurt airport – with YOU! No, Canute, the yodeling pickle, has talent. I’m thinking American Idol but his song list is so very limited.

  4. Thanks! I have now have your new nickname on my blog! QueenIzzie! I like it!

    Pretty good…


    a Hoarder! 🙂

  5. As to your first point about tiara boys – oh my goodness, that’s just insane, and cruel. I can’t believe a mother could actually say or do that …
    For the rest, you make me laugh, queen izzie! 🙂
    Sunshine xx

  6. Queen Izzie has a certain ring to it! 🙂

  7. So, the question?

    Love the pickle personal satisfaction option! Maybe you develop some pickle shaped candles? Scented? no, probably not.

  8. I’m just laughing at your search terms. I need to write mine down, because I’m constantly entertained by them.
    Yesterday’s? “celebrity bunions”

  9. You had me a “chief wiggle eye gluer.”

  10. I want my own Canute!

    Ref the candle marketing, don’t know. What about sending sample packs to the buyers at gift boutiques?

  11. I can give you lots of ideas for internet/online marketing, but I suspect that you are looking more for local marketing?

    (It’s ok being a ‘brilliant Brit, but we don’t get to try the candles)

  12. The toddler and tiara bit, I am right there with you on some woman should never be mothers!
    And, now that you have posted your seach words, the couriosity kills the cat (me) everyday. 🙂

  13. WTF?! Boys in beauty pageants? How can they even be judged the same way?

    Recently some friends and I made prank texts to some jacka$$ none of us like. He was too freaking stupid to follow the texts and his spelling was horrible. We laughed about it for days.

  14. I’m brilliant??? Awesome!
    I love being brilliant just by being South African!
    I don’t really know what candles you are selling or what is your target group, but did you try putting it all on Etsy??

  15. But of course you are brilliant, Marliz! Etsy is so good; I’m not ready to go online yet but that is the first thought for me , too.!

  16. hmmm – somehow I think you knew what you were getting into when you brought the pickle to the party ;-P hahahahahaha

  17. oooh and I think Brits are brilliant too 😛

  18. Hey Queen Izzie, ever thought of Christmas candle earrings…hair isn’t flammable, is it…ah never mind!

    • Hey Loon – brilliant idea – some of the hair I’ve seen should be removed although I’m thinking candle earrings would also remove the face, ears, etc. which would be an even worse look. But I like your thinking ….

  19. Hello Queen Izzie… How are you doing? How’s your daughter? Is life treating you well? Enjoying the lovely fall weather? I truly hope you are in a happy place right now….I truly do. Peace and happiness to you my dear friend! 🙂

    Oh yes, I almost forgot…


    Have a lovely day. 🙂

    • Hello my Idiot subject … I am doing quite well, thank you. My daughters are, to my knowledge, fine and dandy. If you call 83-degrees fall weather and enjoyable, then yes. Happy place …. hmmm, since my worst day is another’s very best day, then yes, always in a happy place. Peace and happiness to you. And one more thing … if you call me a “hoarder” again, I will have you drawn and quartered, just like the turkey you plan to eat on Thursday. Cheers!

  20. “headless situation” LMFAO! My dad always did accuse me of walking around with my head in my hand, rather than screwed on!

    Marketing… Are you selling them online? I presume yes. So do you have affiliates who an market them for you on their sites? Do you have a USP and can write a really good (funny…intriguing…unique…whatever, something extraordinaire) PR thingy and send it off to magazines with samples attached? Do you use Twitter & Facebook? Do you have a blog on the site? Are you commenting on other blogs/sites relating to this ad linking back to your site? Is there a candle community or home decorating community you can get involved in? Can you get such blogs/sites to affiliate with you and market it via their sites? Does the manufacturer have people that can become affiliates? Can you Yelp review online sites? In that case, get at least thirty friends to write reviews. Google ads.

    There is so much you can do – if you research whom you want as affiliates, whom you would like to have write about this (top hundred interior design bloggers/home decoration bloggers/candle bloggers/gift bloggers), what magazines you’d like to be in, who you should follow on twitter, what are the most popular search terms on google for candles, what kind of blog you can write to incorporate the candles, etc. I’m sure you’ll create a marvelous campaign.

    Well, that’s about as much as I know about online marketing that I can think of at the moment. May give you some ideas.

    And yes, us semi-Brits are outstanding. Just for the record that is 😉

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