This ain’t no stinkin’ bucket list. Just so you know.
First things first. Lent starts Wednesday so I have given a little thought to what I’m giving up. And taking on. Which leads me to a word I use with gusto. It begins with F and ends in K. You can say it alone or add “you”, “me”, the names of friends, neighbors, family members, people on tv … well, the possibilities are ENDLESS! So, I’m giving up saying the F-word until April 24. Knowing myself all too well, I’ve made provisions for those times when I’m tempted.
Provision 1: Home: All credit for this goes to Amy Sedaris; one of her hilarious books, “I Like You … hospitality under the influence”, has a crafty little project called a “F*&k It Bucket“. Can’t reference what goes in it as some little f-er borrowed and never returned my copy but that’s not the point. I’ve made my own FIB. Any time I am provoked to think about saying the word, I will write down the person, place, or thing that is pissing me off and drop it in the bucket. Easter Bonfire, my house, dusk.
Provision 2: Away : Will always have some iMechanism with me. All equipment features the EXPLICIT version of Cee Lo Green‘s song, “F**K You“. The nice version, “Forget You” simply will not do. When my feathers get ruffly, I’ll simply smile and play that tune AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE! I would say the w-w word here, but Charlie Sheen has stomped that sucker dead.
More Changes Beginning Wednesday
- No “Dancing With the Stars” this season. Am giving up watching this more out of pity than sacrifice. The cast absolutely sucks, I thought Wendy Williams was a man, and poor Kirstie Alley, well I can’t even go there.
- I will take Cooper (my dog) on longer walks each day so his nickname will not be Fatticus Finch.
- I will not pretend I don’t speak English when people I don’t like ask me questions.
- I will not cross my eyes and make gagging noises when helpful people tell me what I should be doing to improve my life.
- Anonymous good deeds … can’t say any more on these as they are … anonymous.
- Giving up jalapeno potato chips and jalapeno Cheetos. HARD! And Scotch, green peas, and yams. EASY!
- Exercise every day
- No Whining – ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!
- Be sweet – aggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Off to put the second coat of varnish on my f-ing bucket. 🙂