You are the Reason I’m on Medication

Good Grief! Bear with me here – the three “situations” I attribute my need for medication to – are not the only reason(s) – I own my kookiness. Nevertheless, I was already thinking I needed to up my dosage after the last week. As of today, I know that’s right! Yikes!

  • People Who Have NEVER Had A Good Day and Don’t Think You Should, Either: “Who can take a sunrise and sprinkle it with dew doo doo?” Unhappy people, that’s who! Have you never heard Abe Lincoln’s saying, Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be?”  Didn’t think so.  God knows, I’ve been one unhappy person many a time and thought that therapy throwdowns like,Happiness comes from within” and “Happiness is a choice” were pure horse shit. Am happy to say I believe those words and there is nothing horsey about them. Here’s something to chew on, Eeyores: Carlos Castaneda said,“The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable or make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.”

It’s no secret that I am right up there with the best of them in the Dating Hall of What The Hell? Don’t get me wrong, I have had some lovely relationships. On the other side of the coin, some have been anything but. What are the odds I would have encounters with two of the unlovely in one day? And, to quote my friend, Cowgirl, “it’s not even a full moon”?

Encounter #1:   Fueled by a need for food, I drove to Whole Foods. Got my little cart and headed to the prepared food area. I felt a presence near me at the counter, looked over, and there was one handsome man smiling at me. As I smiled back, I spotted an Ex examining the rotisserie chicken. I ducked because I know him to be a NUTJOB x 200. Last time I ran into him – at another grocery store – he grabbed me and tried to have a make out session in Aisle Two. Gross. When I instantly went from 5’7″ to 3’7″, cute guy evaporated. Had to duck walk to checkout. Checker asked me if I needed assistance. Told him I was practicing a new form of walking yoga. Totally legit in Whole Foods. Crawl into my car – feel shaken, not stirred. Woo Hoo!

Encounter #2:  Sitting at my desk, doing all sorts of things you do at your desk when you are unemployed, I hear the “zing” my phone makes when I get a text message. This is what I read: “You can run … but I will always find you!!” This, from another EX I haven’t seen or spoken to in a month of Sundays +. Read: no contact, period. Feeling shaken and stirred. Any more of those “zings” = Restraining Order. Good grief!

Is it any wonder I’ve deferred all dating decisions to Divine Intervention? And take happy pills? Off to supersize those puppies!


*Ellen DeGeneres has not contacted me about a job … yet. I still think she ‘s funny.

*Par-Tay, if you read this, please do not share with parentals or you will need to take out a restraining order on me. xo

19 thoughts on “You are the Reason I’m on Medication

  1. Holy cow. That certainly does sound like a full moon kinda day. I don’t which of your exes is creepier – the one that thinks you’d want his mouth anywhere near yours or the one who sends ‘the call is coming from inside the house’ style messages.

    Huh, maybe my dates aren’t so bad after all. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Okay, they are, but at least I’m lucky enough to never have to run into them again (and I bet I just jinxed myself by even thinking that)

    And I’m sure Ellen is just deciding on which pantsuit to wear for when she shows up on your doorstep!

  2. I’m sorry to hear about your crazy ex. Mine contacted me a couple months ago…It’s been over 3 years, and he’s now married.

  3. Par-Tay is too busy taking happy meds and doesn’t want to spoil the happy buzz, so don’t worry about sharing with the parental peeps!

  4. Glad they fixed the comments, Izzie…

    Is it bad that I found your Whole Foods encounter hilarious? “new form of walking yoga” is priceless! Sorry the cute guy bailed…

    Happy pills are good…hope Ellen comes through for you!


  5. Jeeze-o-pete! You may need to move. That’s way too much crazy for one week, let alone for one day.
    And now I want a martini . . .

  6. Better you than me, Iz! Fortunately, all my ex-boyfriends are far away (like in other states!). And everybody wonders why I don’t do Facebook!!

  7. There are energy givers and energy sucks. Then there’s you ex…. I’m really sorry about that. Downright creepy.

  8. Hope your week is better id! Is it legal to carry pepper spray in your state? Lol.

    • Oh,my week IS better – and it’s only Monday! Yes, we can carry pepper spray but I’m afraid I’d missfire; my friend, Walden, had a few too many adult beverages once and sprayed me. It hurts like a …. well you can only imagine. Nevertheless, Possible restraining order ex got the message and is gone, baby, gone. Rah!

  9. Oh my goodness! Awesome article dude! Many thanks,
    However I am going through issues with your RSS. I don’t know why I
    can’t subscribe to it. Is there anyone else getting identical RSS issues?
    Anybody who knows the solution will you kindly
    respond? Thanks!!

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