Snarky Thursday: A Book, A List, & Questionable Songs

 

It’s a beautiful day in Snarkville. As I sit here at my desk, looking out the window, my eyes fix on two birds. One is big and fat, the other needs more meat on her bones. I know she is a she because BIG FATTY is trying to have his way with her. I must say, he is not subtle. He has repeatedly jumped on her back and bounced around. GET A ROOM NEST WHY DON’T ‘CHA!

Just finished “Bossypants” by Tina Fey. She’s funny. She thinks funny, she writes funny. I wonder if she has an extra pair of bossypants? Mine mistakenly went into last year’s Goodwill pile. Speaking of pants, I was horrified when recently wandered into the lingerie department of Nameless Store. All of the undies were psycho neon but that wasn’t the problem. Every pair were size 70XXXL granny panties. Must have wandered into alternate underwear universe; happens all the time.

Have been inventing jobs possibilities; the latest are:

  • Passive/Aggressive Mean Letter/Email Writer
  • Bird Hotelier (see above)
  • Telemarketer Whistle Sales – ok, this is GOOD. I could sell a line of whistles that attach to the phone. When telemarketers call, you answer the phone and immediately blow that sucker with gusto. Presto! Your number is off their list. I know of what I speak and this is a necessary item now that the sneaky telemarketers have started using cell numbers. Also effective for all sorts of people in your life. Think about it.

I’m not a fan of questionable song titles. But they do demand an answer, non? I blame this rant on Miss Britney Spears‘ cover of a Bellamy Brothers’ song. The rest of those listed are real as well. Meh!

  • “If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me? No, but I will punch you in the nose.
  • “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?” Because you are stupid and have a urinary tract infection which is nothing to sing about.
  • “How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?” Not. My. Problem. Stop. Whining.
  • “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” Because you suck. 🙂
  • “Can You Feel The Love Tonight?” Zip up your pants and beat it, Buster!
  • “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Nope, but I think your pants are way too tight.
  • “Where Did I Go Wrong?” You were born.
  • “Tommy, Can You Hear Me?” No. Duh. Deaf mute.
  • “How Can Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel?” They don’t. Shut up.
  • “Am I Going Insane?” Yes. Yes you are.
  • “Why Bother?” My point exactly.
  • “What If No One’s Watching?” Trust me, they aren’t.

Gotta dash – it’s time to watch paint peel. I will leave you with today’s snark; tuck it away as you might need it.

“I’m going to memorize your name and throw my head away.”

(anonymous)

Sooner or later.

 

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24 thoughts on “Snarky Thursday: A Book, A List, & Questionable Songs

  1. Happy Snark Day!…..ya HOARDER! 🙂

  2. I like Tina Fey…haven’t read her book though…

    Jim saw a pair of squirrels getting frisky in our lilac bush the other day!

    Hope your week starts looking up!

    Hugs,
    Wendy

  3. I LOVE Snarkville! Have lived there for years. 🙂

  4. Me, too. Maybe I should move.

  5. Yikes! You do have a career track for snarkiness… I love it; would love to be your co-worker!

  6. Ah ha … I have my Monday Morning Entertainment …. and your Snarky Thursday is a great match. 🙂 Besides, you are one witty lady. Thanks for your one liners!

  7. Ahhh…snark! Perfect ending to a too long day 🙂 Thanks for sharing. If Bird Hotelier becomes a job opportunity, we may be coworkers.

  8. I’ve felt snarky all week. I also witnessed a bird attacking another bird…or trying to mate in a very violent way. Odd?

  9. This is so funny I’ve put the link as my FB status 🙂

  10. “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” Because you suck.

    Ha! Perfect!

    Snark on, lady! Snark on.

  11. Hey Izzie, if you haven’t already go rent The Messenger starring Woody Harrelson.

  12. hehehe, thank you. I see i must be in the wrong job. please write one for me!

  13. HAHAHA!

    I had a friend who absolutely HATED the ‘Why can’t we be friends?’ song. Any version of it. I liked the original and I really like the Smashmouth version. I had it on a CD at work one day and when it came on, she ran in the kitchen and screamed, “Why can’t we be friends? Because you keep playing that f*^king song.” That was 7 years ago and I still laugh about it.

  14. Ok, I am quickly becoming a follower of your blog! I love the way you write. You first attracted me when you left a comment on my friend “JoDee’s ” blog when she came out to visit me in Washington. Your comment was
    “I’m a jealous wreak over that kitchen” I thought it such a hilarious way to express yourself! I knew I would love your blog……so I have been coming back again and again. Barbie

  15. BARBIE! You’re adorable! I remember when JoDee visited you – and I am still a wreck over your kitchen! You come visit me anytime! And thank you, my new fried!

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