“You Make My Hair Hurt”

My friend uses that expression. She also says, “Colder than a Norwegian well digger’s ying yang”, to indicate a “chilly environment”.

She would not use that phrase here and now, where it is 300-degrees in the shade at dusk. It is hotter than a Acapulco hotel room with naugahyde bedspreads and a broken air conditioner. The same friend and I know how hot that is. After dining on a lovely rotten fish dinner the night before, we were sick as dogs. Hurling ourselves off our second floor balcony to end our misery was not an option. Because we were stuck to our naugahyde bedspreads. I’m thinking that these coverlets were quite efficient for the staff; just hose off the dead people, throw the corpses out, and remake the beds, lickety split.

  I love colorful phrases although I don’t necessarily like to live them. On that note, I’ve been  culling through my files, looking for other expressions thrown around in these parts. Sharing:

    • “Your ass is grass and I’m the lawn mower. (Someone is in solid trouble)
    • “Sweating like a whore in church.”
    • “I’m so hungry, I could eat a frozen dog.” (Back off, PETA, it’s just a phrase hungry drunk people use)
    • “My cow died last night so I don’t need your bull.”
    • “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
    • “He’s trouble looking for a place to happen.”
    • “Well, the people in hell want ice water.” (You won’t be getting whatever it is you want)
    • “Crazier than an outhouse mouse.”
    • “That would gag a maggot.” (See naugahyde bedspread/corpses)
    • “I may have been born at night, but not last night.”
    • “It’s time for a “Come to Jesus” meeting.” (I was invited to many of those; not religious events)
    • “Earth is full. Go home.”

I’ll leave you with one piece of advice:  naugahyde is NOT your friend.  Off to sit in the fridge and chill.


25 thoughts on ““You Make My Hair Hurt”

  1. Had to Facebook a link to this. Am so going to use these 🙂

  2. please may I borrow some of those to use now and then? they seem so relevant

  3. Ugh. I was covered in sweat after the Acapulco/Naugahyde reference. Nicely done.

  4. Some classic lines there. And many totally new to me… I’ll need to practice so I’m ready at a moment’s notice.

  5. I didn’t know most of these …. love the lawn mower line. Thanks for another classic Izzie post. Delightful!

    Hope you had a good holiday weekend. Will return later to read the post about your grandmother.

  6. Awesome!

    And I’m right there with you…sooooo hot. I’m melting.

  7. Don’t know what a naugahyde is and had to wiki… I agree with you. They are not your friend. Hope the weather cools off a bit for you and friend. Also, I love the monkey picture (is that a gorilla instead?) up top and the title, “you make my hair hurt.” I would love to borrow that line from time to time. 🙂

  8. These are great, izzie. Here’s one I heard the other day that I liked a lot. Referring to someone who’d been scolded for something: “He spanked you like a 4-year-old at Kmart.”

  9. Lmao! These are awesome! 🙂

  10. “Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.” That’s my favourite!

    My favourite Maritime saying is, “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!” which is a polite way of telling someone to $#%@ off!


  11. I was told by a 10 year old last week to “build a bridge and get over it”.

  12. Naugahyde bedspreads? WTH?!

  13. hey girl I miss your regular posts. Everything okay? I grew up with the saying “Your ass is grass” but the lawnmower bit helps make sense of it. HAHA

  14. Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra.
    Busier than a one-armed (wall)paper hanger.
    My fave: Busier than a one-eyed man at a burlesque show.


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