I Want to Know Why ….

… a person cannot look you in the eye? This topic came up over dinner last night, but no answers were forthcoming.

Have you ever had a conversation with an eye-avoider? What gives here? There are three people I have known forever, but I couldn’t tell you what color their eyes are – because they do not look me when we have a conversation. I would assume they individually hate my guts, but they do it with any and everyone. Two are pathological liars and one has the self-esteem of a rotting corpse. Maybe I’ve answered my own question, but I’d rather hear from you.

Why are some people unable to look you in the eyes when engaged in conversation? I’m very curious about body language – today. Let me know what you think!

Sooner than later. Ok?

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28 thoughts on “I Want to Know Why ….

  1. The ones I can’t stand are the ones who supposedly are having a conversation with me but spend ALL their time looking around the room! Whatever for? Am I not interesting enough to hold their attention? Okay, fine, take off then! Grrrr…

    • Oh, Deb, I can’t STAND that, either. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve taken to walking off mid-conversation; obviously the person is not engaged in it so why should I stand there? See ya!

  2. Maybe they have a squint?

  3. Hi friend. MISSED YOU. 🙂 Fiscal year end hell. Oye f’in vey.

    So…. let’s see….

    I know someone who unbeknownst to them, rolls their eyes heavenward whenever they’re talking directly to someone. She has no idea she’s doing it, and originally I found it EXTREMELY annoying. Now I *get* that it’s a protection mechanism for her. Kind of a way of hiding in plain sight, if you will. In my experience, it seems to me that yogi’s/yogini’s look you dead on in the eye. Enough that the energy damn near knocks you on your ass. I didn’t realize how much I MISSED that until I was 6+ weeks without it when I was “back home” tending to family tragedy and aftermath a couple years ago.

    *hugs*

    • Sista – WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I have missed you, girl! Yes, yogginis do look at everyone dead on – maybe that’s why I have issues with others who don’t. *BIGGER HUGS*

  4. Well, you know you friends best, so maybe you already know. 🙂 Anyway, some people won’t look you in the eyes because they are shy or you are very aggressive. Lol. Or it may be a cultural thing where looking in the eye of the other person is interpreted as being very confrontational. In the animal world, the alpha animal look directly into eyes. I am intrigued now as to what you guys were discussing over dinner. Lol.

    • Hey, FT – I didn’t put the cultural equation in there but you are correct, in some cultures, it’s flat out rude to look another in the eye. The people we were wondering about at dinner do not have this excuse. We were discussing mental illness – light dinner topic – hahahahahaha!

  5. I’m curious to read the responses. I generally look between the eyes and around the nose. Otherwise, I find I get flustered by switching which eye I look into… Sometimes, if I am looking someone in the eye, and they look me in the eye it is startling. I don’t know why. It’s as if there is a vulnerability or something. I don’t know… but I wonder.

  6. There ya’ go. Low self esteem and bold faced liars. Neither stellar personality profile will ever look you in the eye.

    Eyes are the windows to the soul (or some such bullshit), so they’re afraid that you’ll be able to tell that they’re lying or that they have absolutely no self confidence. Cowards don’t look people in the eye, my friend.

  7. I tend to interpret eye avoidance as either a guilty trash talker is feeling guilty or…the person is looking beyond me to find something or someone far more interesting. Either way, I find it perplexing.

    • Hey JoDee – yes, I find it perplexing as well. I know when I don’t want to talk about something, I don’t look the other person in the eye. Hmmmmmmm……..

  8. I think people are easily intimidated. There’s a saying that goes something like “The eyes are a mirror into the soul”. Maybe people want to remain anonymous, even amongst “friends”. That way, if you don’t “really” know them, they’re safe and not vulnerable. Just a thought.

  9. Well! I admit to having a bad habit of looking elsewhere sometimes… and when I’m trying to think in a conversation I do look away. But, I promise I’m not a rotting corpse. But there are times when I want or need to avoid someone-either they’re probing or I’m uncomfortable with their energy and I will not make eye contact.

    • DD – I would never put you and rotting corpse in the same sentence (except this one). I understand looking away, I do, especially when thinking on topic. If I can’t look ’em in the eye, I walk away. Because they are probing and I am uncomfortable. Good points.

  10. Lack of confidence in what they are saying … lack of concentration, thus easier to wonder ….an FYI: my eyes are blue. Have a safe weekend & stay cool.

  11. LOL!! My wonderful grandmother’s thoughts on that subject and I always go back to it, “NO EYE CONTACT…NOT TO BE TRUSTED, END OF DISCUSSION”!! If she said it once, she said it a thousand times while on this earth!! She was my E.F. HUTTON..when she spoke, I listened…while looking into her big green eyes!!

  12. As a recovering rotting corpse (= low sense of self-worth), I can say from this gal’s perspective a warm, nonjudgmental smile can make all the difference. Otherwise, it’s a looming fear that the person (particularly a bold person) is going to be harsh in words and manner. But those were my teenage/younger adult years, and I can say now looking people in the eyes is a piece o’ cake. Unless you’ve got something in your teeth… then I don’t know where to look.

  13. Pingback: Keeping up with the Comments | Lenore Diane's Thoughts Exactly

  14. Very interesting post. I’m with Lenore on this– sometimes I have to look away, it’s almost like gazing directly into someone’s eyes is a bit startling for me and I don’t want to seem too overbearing. But then, I am generally a shy introverted person. Also, I have very light blue eyes and the light is always making me squint. So I suppose I do squint at people when I’m talking to them and probably look away more than I should.

  15. I always look people in the eye and sometimes it makes them nervous. They say people look down and to their left when they lie. Hmmmm

  16. Often I avoid looking at people who intimidate me…interesting post, Izzie!

    Hugs,
    Wendy

  17. When I don’t make eye contact it’s because I don’t like the person. But if I don’t like someone, I don’t spend time with them and I doubt they notice I’m not making eye contact.

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