A Three Hour Tour and Other Stuff


In the Good Grief category of the day, we have my sister, cruises, and the saying, “Some people never learn.”

The first time she went on a cruise, it was a day-long affair. The festive ship advertised bountiful buffets and gambling amid a luxurious environment. The boat would sail out in the morning and return at sunset. The ticket price was crazy low (huge red flag but she must be colorblind). She and her husband boarded the ship and took off for a lovely – and possibly profitable (if you think gambling is profitable; see red flag above) –  day at sea. Cutting to the chase: it was beyond Gilligan’s worst nightmare. The accommodations were anything but lovely. Once aboard, it was a hostage situation. After the boat limped, chugged, and coughed its way out to sea, the engine blew. Along with the engine, so goes air-conditioning, ice cubes, and electricity. The pig trough buffet featured the irresistible combination of boiled toilet paper cabbage and a pan of old weenies. Yum! Every ounce of alcohol was served at room temperature and the supply was deleted after one hour. A male passenger died in the middle of this; the staff lovingly placed him on a pleather sofa in the center of the galley and threw a sheet over him. All the passengers were herded inside where they remained while the piece of shit war canoe was towed into port. Which took hours. My sister is still convinced the man died from a combination of cabbage, weenies, and body odor. All the passengers had plenty of time to contemplate this as they were in one room with him, the weenies, and the body odor for hours. Lord ‘A Mercy, what was the lesson here? Well, she didn’t learn it.

My mother called yesterday to report my sister and her husband boarded a cruise ship in Miami on Monday. She is the eternal optimist and he is a not the husband she “cruised” with before. A wonderful week of beautiful seas … in the Bahamas. Woo Hoo –  the same place that is being destroyed by Hurricane Irene right this minute. My parents and I are not worried one minute. Surely the ship was diverted. If she survived the first experience, this will be a walk in the park. Although she has an international phone, my mom has not heard from her. Maybe they are in Germany. How do you say, “whatever” in German?

Under the Thank You and Godspeed tab, I’ve placed Steve Jobs. I want to personally thank you for quite literally changing the world for the better and hope the rest of your days are the best of your days.

BE HAPPY! It’s a choice, you know.


10 thoughts on “A Three Hour Tour and Other Stuff

  1. Can’t imagine she’ll sign up for a third, can you? Nice words re: Steve Jobs. Thanks.

    • Winsome, I’m not a betting woman but knowing her – yeah, she’ll do it again if she ever returns from Germany or Asia or wherever. Yeah, Steve Jobs doesn’t look like he’s long for this world but he’s one bright, shining genuis.

  2. Never been on a cruise. Don’t think I’d like it. If people were meant to float on top of huge bodies of water for days or weeks at a time, I suspect we’d have flippers and gills!

    • There is no frigging way I would consent to a cruise. Had my fill of ocean water with ex-boyfriend (off-shore fishing/vomit) and racing sail boats with ex-husband (rope burn and near decapitation). Me likes terra firma!

  3. I’ll remember these cautionary words should I ever have the opportunity to take a cruise! And, it sounds like you’ve certainly had some lovely water experiences!

  4. I took a cruise ship around the Hawaiian islands. Flew to Honolulu, then boarded ship. We sailed to a different island each day. It was so much fun. Not one time in my life did I ever think I’d take a cruise to Hawaii, but my mother in law invited us, so glad we went. It was fun. I’d most likely not do it again, but it was surely fun. Photos on my blog, do a search.

  5. I have never been on a cruise, but I will make sure if I board one, there are no red flags! I love your posts, izzie. So funny! And welcome back!

  6. Good to see you again! You always make me laugh.

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