My Issues Have Issues. Really.

I used that line to decline a date request. And I wasn’t lying. My issues for today are … business names, a neighborhood, and knackwurst.

The first issue was prompted by a parking space at a shopping center. Yep, I parked right in front of the Dress Barn. Could this national clothing chain for women have picked a more unbecoming moniker? Methinks NOT. I was prompted to find more professional insanity because I wanted to and I do not use my time wisely.  Here are the names of real business I found; feel free to add your own.

CLOTHING

Girdle Garage

House of Hose

GROOMING

Indiana Bone and the Temple of Groom

American Hairline

Nervous McStabby’s Hair Care Place

Lunatic Fringe

Slingin’ Ink Tattoo

BOOKS

Crapbooks

The Bookie Joint

FLORAL

Florist Gump

The Stalk Market

FOOD

Crazy Cow Steakhouse

OK Chinese Food

Bologna Boutique

Nasty Buffet

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

Master Baiter’s Sportfishing and Tackle

Bada Bing Bail Bonds

Enough. Moving on to a new neighborhood. My eldest, Miss Peach, recently moved into a swishy townhouse with her friends. She invited me to see it right after she moved in. Her place is beautiful, nicer than mine. As she walked me out and down the road to find my car, I surveyed her “hood”. Which prompted one question. “DID YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING NEXT DOOR TO A METH LAB?” She said, “Oh!”. End of convo. We are very casual about potential life-threatening situations. Moving on.

Knackwurst. At a recent cocktail situation, I ran into a friend. He’s a great guy and has been promoted to CFFOBPRQ of an enormous company. I forget what we were talking about, but for whatever reason, he called me a “Knackwurst Head“. Knowing only that knackwurst was not complimentary, I did what any self-respecting woman would do and emptied the contents of my hors d’oeuvre plate into his cocktail. I mean, really! A knackwurst, for those of you who don’t know, is a short, plump, highly seasoned German sausage. I am NOT a Knackwurst Head, you MOLDY PIECE OF HOG’S HEAD CHEESE!

Feeling better already! Gotta run, late for appointment at Sweaty Betty’s Beat & Tease.

Be happy or go to your room. Your choice.

Later.

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15 thoughts on “My Issues Have Issues. Really.

  1. Nasty buffet? Really? Why?

  2. Probably a front for something other than food?

  3. I hate to buy bras, because there’s always a big sign at my section that says, “Padded”.

    • Oh, honey – I still wear the same kind I wore in 8th grade. I tried to wear those chicken cutlet things once – everyone asked me if I’d had a boob job, then they fell out on the dance floor. Needless to say, I will never be known as “chesty”.

  4. Haha, thanks for the laughs (as always). There is a cigarette store here called ‘Smoke ‘Em Up’ ….. classy…..

  5. Somehow ‘nervous’ and hair care shouldn’t be in the same line. Great names…

    As for the knackwurst head line… Good for you!

  6. Fawlty Flowers
    Duck’s Nuts (Restaurant)
    Knotts Landing (hairdresser)
    Pimp My Pet (dog grooming)

  7. Okay Nails which sits across the street from Great Nails.

  8. Loon – of course you would have awesome names. Just the name “Duck’s Nuts” makes me throw up in my mouth.

  9. OK … I’ll keep the racy store names to myself … but I too had to buy padded bras. … Already, now I’m being too silly. Then again, the store names above are good ones.

    The guy called you that? Emptying your plate into his cocktail means he got off easy. In the words of the famous American orator, Buggs Bunny …. What a maroon!

    On a serious note, thanks for stopping by today. Seeing your comment told me you were back in business, so I had to stop by. FYI: I’ve been on a work project, so I’ve only been posting MWF and not making my normal rounds. But … I shall return. Hope all is well.

  10. there is a chineese restaurant in my town called HONG-FAT ps my mother never wants to go there 😛

  11. Ahahahahahahaha!!!! I walked by The Wacky barber today. There was a quote spray painted on the window: “There are three rules in life for success. First Rule: Don’t tell people everything you know.” Not that I agree, but it amused me!!! 🙂

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