Pink Balls, Lame Line, SIRI Sucks and Other Stuff

Happy New Year! Whew, it’s crazy around here. Crazy good, but crazy nonetheless.

Where to start …

I think it was last Tuesday when I got a cool new part-time job and an order for 12 giant pink balls for an upcoming event (I design decorations/side business). The new gig has nothing to do with balls. Rah. So, I’ve been working my balls fingers off to get order ready and have a life. No complaints, just tired. So here’s me:

Balls!

No balls, after hours

Everything is running smoothly as I have an amazing assistant who is 100% involved in making life easy around here:

After my beauty rest, I'll get back to you, Iz

 Moving on. In the Lame Line department … ok, so here’s the back story. Tomorrow is THE football game of life. Around these parts, anyway. Made a mad dash to my dad’s man cave to swipe some of his Alabama gear to wear to a party. Said party will be 99% lsu fans. I must represent as my birth occurred a few hours before he had to fly with the team to play Rice. Focus, Izzie. Okay, so I’m on my way home and stop by Whole Foods to get some coffee. Note: I am dressed in leggings, a little t-shirt, an Alabama football cap, and my “Take Me Seriously” glasses. As I approach the coffee aisle, a man with hair on his head and the Holy Bible in his cart stops me.

Hair/Bible Man: ” Do you work here?”

Moi: Do I look like I work here?”

Blind/Hair/Bible Man: “Yes, yes you do.”

Moi: “But I’m thismany years old!”
Weirdo/Blind/Hair/Bible Man: “Well, I’m 75!”

Before I could self-edit,Bullshit!” flew out of my mouth, accompanied by, So is my mother!” Such  comments should deter anyone from trying to continue a conversation, but no. Methinks he mistook my “Take Me Seriously” glasses for “Take Me, Seriously” specs. Meh! Fey! Yech! And to think I’m on the highway to hell for weirdo verbage with a hair man carting the Holy Bible while trying to pick up bespectacled chicks hens at Whole Foods. Just another day in paradise …..

Before I dash, must address SIRI, the worst personal assistant via iPhone 4S. SIRI is a bitch. To me. I asked her why she is so passive-aggressive. Her response, “I don’t know what you are talking about“. See, totally passive-aggressive. I asked her to sing a song – she’s so lame, I got “Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do“. Really, SIRI, is that your best shot? Her response, “I aim to please.” Am quite sure she’s much nicer to others and it is totally weird to verbally spar with my cell phone BUT I am paying her salary, really. Bitch.

This photo of my assistant sums it all up – whatever “it” is:

Fill my trough and get lost, you nutty broad!

Be happy. Or not. It’s a choice.

ROLL TIDE!

Later. Or not.

P.S. Any misspelled words and format fails are the fault of SIRI. So sue me.

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14 thoughts on “Pink Balls, Lame Line, SIRI Sucks and Other Stuff

  1. Just tried the “Siri, sing me a song” thing. Got the same song. She doesn’t even sing it either. She says it. There’s no beat, so she’s not even rapping it (I’d love to hear someone rap “Daisy Daisy”). Feh.

    • Hey Wolf, Happy New Year! I thought SIRI was just a boring bitch to women. Daisy – really? In Europe, SIRI is a man. Go figure. Ask her where to put a dead body. She asked me if I wanted to use a dump or crematorium. I told her to go jump in the lake. She asked for my location. It’s kind of fun to fight with her. Ok, must go get a life. x iz

  2. “Be happy or not. It’s a choice.” You wise woman, you. I love that you have jumped in with both feet. xxoo

  3. Being an Ole Miss alum, I don’t have a dog in this Bama-LSU battle, but count me in your corner, Izzie. Might be the first time I root for the Tide, but I don’t like those geaux tigers. Not. One. Bit!

    • Hey Debbie! I know I speak for the entire team and Coach Nick when I say thank you for supporting the Tide tonight! (Really, Nick S. scares the shit out of me). Anywho, those tigers are disgustia and am putting life into jeapordy (sp) by watching game in their “den”. Oh well. Hope they don’t beat me up when lsu loses! ;0>

  4. Haha Izzie. I have no idea what a SIR is, but the vision of you debating with a phone ap is priceless! Way to go on being hit on by the geriatric, btw. 🙂

    • Hey, Pal …. SIRI is the personal assistant that is built in to the latest iphone. She is a bitch even though I always thank her after an info request. She’s not even a real person but says stuff like, “I aim to please” and “Your satisfaction is all the thanks I need”. A real woman would never say that crap on purpose.

  5. Izzie,

    so glad you are back!!! have missed you!!1

    Georgiegirl…

    ps Geaux Tigers!!!!

    • Georgiegirl … Have missed seeing you! And I know you know there is no way in hell I can prevent the massacre of the tigers by the TIDE tonight. I suggest you stock up on Kleenex, precious. 🙂

  6. Dropped in for a visit after a spell at Debbie’s blog and really, you had me at balls. That is, until I saw Iz. Then I was a goner. OMG, cuteness personified! I just want to bring her home. And perhaps the gold strapless dress as well. It matters not that I don’t have any fancy place to wear it to, methinks it would look snazzy in any setting! 🙂

    • Hey Bella! So glad you stopped by. I must clear up one thing – I’m Iz, un chien – otherwise known as Himself – is my dog. I know he’d love a vaca at your casa – just let me know when and I’ll send him on his way; he’s way over me.:) Ahhhh, the dress – it’s serious designer from Paris and you can have it if you wear a size 2 and it hasn’t been snagged because it was $199 as opposed to reg price, $1900. One word, Marshall’s! It is perfect for you!

  7. Love your assistant! I’m impressed your assistant can make those balls without opposable thumbs

  8. Yay!!!! Happy New Year! Glad you are back. Miss ya! Wow, giant pink balls and glizty dress! You are full of surprises, Izzie! And cutie assistant, too. 🙂

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