Freaking Ridiculous

My brain blew into a million little pieces because:

  • Bill from idiotic doctor: Just got a bill from Doogie Howser; he charged me $28 to walk through his office to the lab. Which he doesn’t own. The independent lab bill has been paid. Have always “walked” free. Times may be tough, dude, but you aren’t getting a penny from me. <sticking tongue out at dumb doc>
  • Liar, liar, magazine on fire: Waiting for another appointment, I thumbed through a recent fashion magazine. One feature focused on how make up can make you look so rested. Then I saw the before/after of the woman in the photos. I knew her. She had everything from the shoulders up “redone” by a plastic surgeon before the photo shoot. Of course, the magazine failed to mention that , instead crediting her bright mug to new lipstick and blush. What a bunch of crapola! If you choose to believe it, the make up will cost you $30,000.
  • Running into old boyfriends: In the past few months, I’ve run into an unreasonable number of one of my friend’s old boyfriends. Better hers than mine, but this is getting ridiculous. Note to friend: run into your own old boyfriends. Thank you.
  • “So all you are going to do is work the rest of your life?” and “We are worried about you, financially”: Two comments, different friends. Note to friends: Here’s my bank account number; feel free to make large deposits frequently. Then I will be able to sashay about the planet and you won’t worry. Win-win.
  • Lose weight by watching tv:  If you want to lose your appetite, turn on Strange Addictions. I’m sorry these people do what they do. Even if you have a stomach of steel, five minutes into this show will, at the very least, produce some serious gagging and an aversion to snacking between meals. Wretched.
  • “Your wait will be 18 seconds.”: Groovy! Got this customer service message yesterday when calling about insurance. Change that message! Waited 20 minutes and then instructed to leave a voice message. Yeah, right. Customer service, my ass.
  • Phone rings. “Hello?”:  “What are you doing?” Oh, accepting the Nobel Peace Prize, building a rocket in the kitchen, rotating my tires …. I am answering the damn phone. And I thought it was obvious. Meh!

Enough! Ranting is no way to start the day. Better go check my bank account for large deposits.

Cockeyed optimist, I am!


17 thoughts on “Freaking Ridiculous

  1. This is one of your “best” days — especially “run into your own old boyfriends.” I love it! I’ve gotten to the age where I can’t remember who were mine and who were someone else’s, so you’re doing great if you know the difference!

    • Hey You! Oh, I know the difference. I’m not the best man “picker” but she had an “open door policy”, hence, everywhere I go, there is one of them. Blek! Mine stay as far away from me as possible. Rah! xo iz

  2. If you find folks to drop ridiculously large amounts of money into your bank account, and they have even more to share, send ’em my way, okay?

  3. I must say this was a very good read. On the other hand, I’m getting out of your way as I don’t want to be hit with the cyberstick.

  4. I’d like to hang that sign in my kitchen!

  5. I LITERALLY just got finished watching “Strange Addictions”. I think I have a strange addiction to that show. Its soooo gross though, but why oh why do I watch?! I have to get away from the TV.

  6. Ever consider doing stand-up comedy? Fantastic material and great delivery. 🙂

  7. I love “My Strange Addiction!” It’s hard to watch sometimes, but I can’t stop. There’s one of those TLC shows coming up about a girl who drinks gasoline. That’s crazy. I mean, gas is really expensive right now.

    • OK, CC – just saw the ad for that – good God – why isn’t she dead? You’ll have to report back because there is no chance in hell I’m watching. But I want to know … my bad.

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