Bucket List Antithesis

There’s not a bucket big enough to hold all I want to do. But here are a few things I never want to do again:

  • Get stuck in small space with overserved man who has just inhaled a handful of chocolates: Don’t shake your head and wonder how this happened. It did. And the space was immediately filled with overwhelmingly heinous fumage. Would have fainted dead away, but space too small and I’m too polite (ha!). Had no choice but to stop, drop, and roll into a ditch. Still gagging.
  • Eat green peas and/or liver: More gagging. If I am on a desert island and all there is to eat are green peas and/or liver, I take this back. Note to self: no boat rides.
  • Register for “Do Not Call” lists: What a total waste of time. You crafty telemarketers and your “anonymous” and “private caller” handles! And for the managers of all “Do Not Call” lists, YOU’RE FIRED!
  • Reply to comment, “What country are you from because you don’t look like an American.”: Final answer: “I am a conehead. From France. Merde!
  • Work for people who are missing several teeth in the front of their mouths: If you have a “thriving” business, you can afford to go to the dentist and get some chompers. My experience with you tells me your business is anything but thriving because my paycheck bounced AND you don’t have a mirror. Basta!

Off to mind my own business.

What are your “never agains”?


18 thoughts on “Bucket List Antithesis

  1. Favorite line from today that has me nearly peeing in my pants – “If you have a “thriving” business, you can afford to go to the dentist and get some chompers.” Can I get an AMEN??

    Hell, I don’t think I can even blog anymore!

  2. Never again will I: find a car, job or living arrangements off of Craigslist. Yes. I’ve done all 3 of those things in the past 2 years. Probably explains why my life is in shambles 90% of the time.

  3. There are so many foods I’ll never eat again: sushi, brussel sprouts…. I’ve never had liver, but I’m going to go ahead and say I never need to try them. I trust your opinion.

  4. This list is a keeper! My “Never Again” is to never again sit behind two hefty, drunk, 30-something ladies in skimpy sundresses at a Taylor Swift concert! They stood up through the whole thing, with a foot-long margarita in one hand and a long-neck beer in the other, singing out loud and dancing. Mind you, we were in the upper deck of the Frank Erwin Center at UT, and they were the ONLY people standing in our section! And they were standing in front of the three teenage girls I brought to the concert. I politely tapped one on the shoulder and asked them to “please” sit down so the girls could see, and she said, “Sorry — we came to dance and have fun!” Maybe my “Never Again” is to never again be polite to drunken heifers!

  5. I’m totally with you on the liver. May I also add lima beans, raw oysters, cauliflower, broccoli, sweet potatoes, and pulled pork?? Got sick on the last one many moons ago, but my stomach has a long memory!

  6. Eating anything with caraway is against my constitution. My wife asking me to go on a many-hour small boat trip in the ocean is grounds for divorce … and I’m suddenly stumped for more.

  7. Hilarious and scary at the same time. I am not sure how you got yourself into #1, but wow…sorry to hear.

  8. #1 intrigues me…we need another blog post with that story I think 🙂 I wil never again friend a man on Facebook who I just met in a restaurant while on vacation in Ireland. NEVER again! haha

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