My Skirt Fell Off In Parking Garage

* 5 years ago … It happened again. Different skirt, different lot. Meh!

As I was walking from my office to my car, my skirt hit the concrete.  I remained upright, standing there in front of God and everybody, in my top and underwear. I do not have a tan – on purpose, but I sure could have used one at that moment.  My legs look like abnormally long pieces of packaged chicken. Read: white.  Did have on nice underwear, but it just doesn’t compensate for the lack of skin color – in daylight.  Couldn’t grab the demon garment  because I was holding boards.  The wooden kind. Ignored the horrified screaming and running of garage mates and finally managed to pull that sucker up under my arms.  And took my boards to the post office to mail them.

Who mails boards? As in not- too- long- but- sorta- heavy boards?  Interior designers, that’s who.  I’m not a designer, I am the office ODDJOB.  Without the razor-brimmed hat.  My areas of expertise are research (“Here’s a picture of a painting.  We need to know who the artist is.  There is no information, no caption, no nothing, don’t even know when or where the picture of painting came from. Go!” I found artist and a silkscreen of painting to purchase in 30 minutes), food choices (“Everyone is dieting but I still think we should get a cake, should we get a cake?” Get the cake. Am genius), and mailing boards.

Had to stick my stomach out to keep skirt on in post office.  Happy foreign man says, “You want to mail boards?”.  I said indeed I did and the cost must be under $100.  He started laughing and speaking to himself in his native tongue. Am thinking that means cost will be well over the budget. Skirting the details,I return to office with humble, sad face.  Walked into designers bull pen, looking for my boss to tell her about expense.  That damn skirt went south again. My colleagues, all women, were nonplussed; they are used to my wardrobe malfunctions.  Paper-clipped skirt top to underwear and called it a day.

Did I mention I live in the city located just on the outskirts of  Hell?  Where it is 81-degrees at 7 a.m.? This morsel of info is only necessary because sweats are not clothing here, sweats are a perpetual state of the body.  Every body.  So skirt slippage was heat-related. As evening approaches, it is a brisk 80-degrees inside my house; the a/c is working its ass(?) off, making the same sounds that pierce the air when empty cans are put in dryer and dryer is turned on high. War zone ambience. Trying to relax and cool down.

Turn on the computer and get some news.  Apparently bird doo facials are all the rage in NYC; you, too, can have one for $180. So “Emperor’s New Clothes”, I can’t even wrap this.  My mind is grinding, so I’ll throw out an offer for bird poop facial aficionados …. you are most welcome to sit on my patio – all day long – for $10; you will be delighted by all the bird bombs that cover your entire self.  There is only one catch … bring earplugs… the a/c sound might disturb your bliss.  Come early and stay late.

Don’t even think I”m complaining, I’m not.  Based on what I read, hear, and see, I am beyond lucky.  If anyone needs a skirt fail, a scary loud a/c, a poop facial provided by numerous regional birds, and/or  boards mailings, you know where to look.

*P.S.  Always wear nice underwear, even if you aren’t riding in the car … you never know ….. just saying.

Later.  If I don’t melt…

Advertisements

42 thoughts on “My Skirt Fell Off In Parking Garage

  1. Oh my lord, I so needed this right now hiiiiiilarious!

    I have tried biking in various different skirts…some were more of a disaster than others. I have fallen out of a hammock, backwards, wearing a dress (legs facing busy walkway). During the opening number of a dance show we had to tuck our skirts under our coats whilst entering the stage and then toss them off. I tucked my skirt in my knickers, forgot about it and tossed off the coat. I’m sure some ppl really enjoyed that performance. I have walked out of restrooms with my skirt tucked in my knickers also.

    OK, there’s more, but before I get too carried away I’m going back to keep living the comedy of my life…

  2. What a great post! Thanks for brightening my day. 😀

  3. When I am picking out what Underoos I will be wearing each day….my wife tries to remind me to wear something that will not shock the paramedics if I happen to keel over with a heart attack or have a suspended piano fall on me…..

  4. Ummm….Hahahahahahaha! Oh the image, and the horror. The fact that you didn’t die on the spot is really good news.

    🙂

    Very funny! And where you live sounds like where I live. HOT.

  5. oh, god. you’ve made me paranoid about my underpants.

    i’m sorry about your clothing malfunction — sounds as though you handled it with style and grace.

    finally, whatever you do, don’t treat yourself to a bird poop facial to brighten your day. please. 🙂

  6. bwahahaha, I haven’t laughed so much in the longest time. Thank you for this very entertaining post.

  7. note to self – don’t wear that skirt again until you gain 5-10 lbs and since I’m almost positive you don’t want to do that (right?) – further note to self – give skirt to goodwill. I wish skirts falling off me was a problem! You really crack me up.

  8. Hahahahahaha! Oh dear me, that is hilarious. You poor thing! Hahahaha!

  9. I’m forwarding this post to certain people I know who think it’s okay to go “commando” – could you IMAGINE?!

  10. Oh gosh! Too funny! Stuff like that happens to me all the time. Just the other day I went to the grocery store and since you’re not supposed to leave your purse in the cart cause it WILL get stolen, I draped it cross-wise across my body so I could wear it but not have to worry about it slipping off my shoulder. Well, I didn’t notice that the strap had somehow unfastened the top three buttons of my blouse until I was almost to the checkout. I hoped that no one had seen my impromptu lingere show, but I know I’m not that lucky. I was wearing a nice bra, at least.

  11. Thanks for the laugh! The closest I’ve come to that is pantsing (skirting?) my self my standing on the hem while standing up.

    As for the facials…. EWWWWWWWWWWWWW. No thank you!

  12. “skirting the details”… ha ha
    You’re one funny woman.. love this post. Will sort through the panty drawer soon and do a little tossing of less than desirable ones!

  13. “Skirt the issue.” LOL!!!

  14. That was so funny, I haven’t had that happen yet but the elastic went in my poor sisters underwear once which was embarassing for her, entertaining for me.

    I think I will give your kind offer of a facial a miss 🙂

  15. I found your situation hilarious. Thanks for the chuckle. You, on the other hand, I felt your pain. I hope you didn’t have your “Day of the Week” panties on. I agree about the facial: just hangout near the NYPL, 30 Rock, or Washington Square, lean back and close your eyes. You’ve saved $180.

  16. I suppose I should share a funny story. What if you were in class? Skirt fell down, boys sitting in the row behind you, and wearing a g-string… yeah. Good thing it didn’t happen to me but a friend of mine… I can imagine her embarrassment!

    Thought I’d share an anecdote as well 🙂

    Please none of this poop facial stuff. Haha

  17. Sorry to hear about your skirt mishap.

    Bird poo…ewww…Who comes up with this stuff?

    I say we come up with another stupid facial idea and open our own salon. Then we can blog about our customers: “This one just let me put bacon on her face!”

  18. Hee. And I’ve never figured out why women wear skirts, but guys don’t. Seriously. Guys are constantly adjusting their junk anyway. Plus, anatomically it makes more sense for women to slide into fitted jeans, and for men to be sportin’ the more roomy skirts.

    Besides, the occasional micro not withstanding, they generally have something (other than sticking out their tummy) to hold the skirt up in an emergency.

    Generally, of course. 😉

  19. I found your blog through a blogroll link on a friend’s blog and I must say, I loved this post. I needed a good laugh.

  20. Bird poo facial. This can only be purchased by ignorant sex and the city wannabes right?

    Love your posts izziedarling!

  21. Here is a better one. I was at the mall shopping. Walking through the mall I was wearing a heavy wool skirt when I felt the button on the back pop loose. The skirt was so much it pulled my half slip down at the same time. The zipper didn’t stop the skirt from falling either. The bad part, I wasn’t wearing any panties.

  22. Hmm it appears like your website ate my first comment
    (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I
    wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.

    I too am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to
    the whole thing. Do you have any tips and hints for newbie blog writers?
    I’d definitely appreciate it.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s