Shaken, Not Stirred

After a devastatingly emotional 2018, I chose to make this year exceptional. Haven’t changed my mind one iota despite the ridiculous situations I continue to jump into feet first!

A handsome man recently came after me like a house on fire. He wasn’t 32 or 102 (the norm) but my age. I was busy as 17 bees and traveling, so the first few weeks were filled with relentless texts and phone calls. I can flirt with the best of them, but when posed HIMSELFIES started arriving, I was not amused – not my jam. Requests for me to send him photos were ignored (dude, we know what we look like, gah!)

Think Jon Hamm in “Bridesmaids”. I told him he was scaring me. He flipped the script to tell me I was attracted to him and scared of loosing (sic) control. Not so much, bud. But I was trying to be nice and agreed to meet him for coffee ( easy, fast, escapable). Dios mio!

One hour spent listening to how uber fabulous he was and all his recent -and stupid- first and last dates made my brains boil. I have no poker face so I’m positive my only thought resonated through my pores (kill me now).

Upon leaving, he asked if I wanted to go out again. I said “yes” but thought “oh, hell no”. When I returned to my office, there was already a text. “Did you have fun?” “Yes, did you?” (Please say no, please!). “I did, yes. You are a smart smart ass.” WHAT? “Mon dieu- not a very nice thing to be”. And then, he says, “I believe it is”. Thank you, AT&T, iPhone, and all the powers that be, I immediately blocked the narcissist and HIMSELFIES till pigs fly. Silence speaks volumes. Guess his ginormous ego keeps him warm and cozy at night. Good grief, things can only get better from here (crossing fingers).

Thank U, Next

Later. Cheers!


2 thoughts on “Shaken, Not Stirred

  1. IZZIE! So good to see you and great post! I’m sorry you had a tough 2018 (I hear you….), but glad to see your brilliant and amusing writing again.

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