How to Stay Alive, So Far

Warning: the photo at end of this includes a word that some might find offensive. So sue me.

I will tell the story of the past 48 hours when later. Maybe. Have just two words for you : BE CAREFUL.

Despite the fact that I’ve always lived in nice places and have behaved myself sometimes, I’ve been a witness in a murder trial, thrown in the back of a car by two men (they were saving me from rapist), and almost shot while having a cocktail. I repeat, my lifestyle isn’t sketchy.

Night before last, a young woman was shot to death in her car. Within walking distance of my home. It is so tragic.

Already in possession of a serious alarm system, locked gates, a butcher knife by my bed, other accoutrement, and a ferocious dog, I’ve been forced to take things one step further. (Ferocious dog has hot spots, vet said to put him in baby t-shirt. I don’t have any baby t-shirts so Ferocious is wearing a smocked dress my eldest wore when she was three months old. Not very off-putting to criminals; dog won’t look at me). So, I have posted the following statement on all doors….

Here’s hoping criminals can read. And that the police find the %$#$ who killed an innocent woman. Very soon.

Pissed. Off to terror management.

Later. Hopefully.

Here a snark, there a snark, everywhere a snark, snark

Life around here is so bloody boring, I’ve taken to re-reporting news, lying, and confirming suspicions that I’m demented. My family must be so proud. But I digress …..

Broken News

Florida Reverend Terry Jones isn’t going to burn the Quran after all. But the story keeps changing by the hour.  Methinks he’s been influenced and encouraged to back off! This guy has blown smoke up  global petticoats, getting all sorts of attention.  And nine years later, Osama bin Laden has yet to be located. My head just exploded.

 

Msn.com offered up some pretty interesting – if not totally weird – stories today. The first one I read, about Old Salty Restaurant in North Carolina, was entertaining. Allegedly the Old Salty owner has posted a sign which reads, “Screaming Children Will Not Be Tolerated.” Gotta love her. She says business is better than ever. There are, of course, discrimination issues boiling. Call me a knucklehead, but I didn’t know that screaming children who disrupt the ambience in a restaurant were under attack. I’m with Old Salty, but I think she should add the following to her sign: “Parents Who Sit There and Let Their Children Scream Will Not Be Tolerated, Either”.

The medical news was repulsive. One of my good doctors told me that a generic medicine can be as much as 25% different from the more expensive original. I found that dismaying until this morning. In a story by Maria Szalavitz, it was revealed that our medicines – depending on what you need – can have sewer swill, nun urine(!), rooster combs, Gila monster slobber, viper venom, and/or sea-snail poison as ingredients. Don’t even get me started about the nun urine. Remember, my head already exploded.

For those of us watching our budgets, which probably includes 99.9 % of the population, Investopedia had a piece on overpriced products.  This list included movie popcorn, greeting cards, college textbooks, bottled water, printer ink, and brand name fashion. Who can afford to buy the popcorn if they do go to a movie? Plus, it’s my personal opinion that the “butter” is strangely similar to suntan oil. The college textbook scam has been going on since …. college had textbooks. As for bottled water, the article said at least 48% came from the tap. Which means I will be offering izziedarling kitchen hogwash for the very low price of $4/bottle in a store near you soon.

Liar, Liar, My Pants Aren’t On Fire

I told a boldface lie yesterday. Tried to tell the truth but it was rejected. An elderly man was sitting in a taxi across from my townhouse. I had to take Cooper (a.k.a. spawn of Cerberus) on a walk. Walking past the taxi, the gentleman asked me if Coop was a Border Collie. I said, “No sir, he’s a JackRat.”  He asked me again, “Is he a Border Collie?”. I said, “No sir, he’s a Jack Russell”. He asked me the same question again. I said, “Yes sir, he’s a Border Collie”. Now Cooper is about as much of a Border Collie as I am, but the man wanted to hear what he wanted to hear. So I lied.

Sad but True: Am Nuts

I read this thing online that outlined how to answer surveys and make money. I was all over it – work in nightgown, tell the truth, and make money? Really! That was three days ago and guess how much I’ve made? Two cents. Swear, that would be one penny and one penny. So, let’s all go to Old Salty and have a round of Gila Monster slobber on me! Oh yeah, leave your screaming children at home … or with Reverend Jones; I have a feeling he’s going to be on a new career path.

Later.

Gritch and Bitch

 

Hope you weren’t expecting lollipops and rainbows, today, because it’s not gonna happen. This isn’t my favorite day. So maybe a good rant will calm me down.

Professionals Who Suck

I have a genetic predisposition to high cholesterol. Am not fat, don’t eat crap, blah,blah. Had labs drawn at last “lady” appointment. Go straight to GP for medicine. Did I mention I despise my GP? I DESPISE him. I haven’t seen him in four years; he has the bedside manner of a wildebeest. But I had to suck it up and go to him for medicine. And he’s still an asshole. I know, I know, I should change. But I am lazy and I actually enjoy staring him down with complete disdain, refusing to show any reaction to his lamo jokes and only answering questions with “yes” or “no”.

Asshole Dr.: ” So, izziedarling, how long have you had this condition?”

Me: “Yes”.

AD: “What are the symptoms?”.

Me: “No”.

AD: “Did you hear the one about ….?”

Me: “You are not funny. Give me the medicine or I will cut you.”

And he does because he’s such a bad doctor. And I have to go back this week and see if the meds are working. So, you see, I’m getting my snark on.

I was reminded about horrible doctors while reading Loon’s blog about a doctor who tricked his patient into letting him “breastfeed”. People were wondering how the woman could be so stupid, but I can see how it happened. I have a friend who was sick. She was old enough to go to the doctor by herself, but still young enough not to question his diagnosis procedures. She had a touch of the flu; he had her take of all her clothes and hop on one foot.  Wrong. On. Every. Level. But she didn’t know she’d been had until she got the hell out of there.

I had a Spanish professor in college who offered one-on-one tutoring sessions. I was having a hard time in his class so I signed up for tutoring. Little coed that I was, I showed up with all my questions and homework. He proceeded to tell me that my problem with Spanish was sexual (?) and went on to ask me all sorts of highly personal, pornographic questions about my sex life. It took me a few minutes to realize this wasn’t any sort of tutoring session I needed and I said, “adios, asqueroso!”

Stuff I read today that is really stupid

Apparently OnStar is preparing to offer subscribers a new service.  For a few dollars more, you can have OnStar read you your Facebook and text messages while you are driving. Oh, that’s rich, as if people don’t drive bad enough with just the radio on. And really, is there a Facebook or text message that can’t wait until you get where you are going? It’s bad enough that cell phones are all hooked up in the car, how many ways can they come up with for us to accidentally commit suicide and/or murder? And pay for it?

An engaged woman in the state of New York faked having acute amyloid leukemia; she scored everything from a wedding dress to a honeymoon – all donated by kind people. But karma’s a bitch, bitch. Now all she has to show for it is divorce papers. Boo Hoo.

Designer Diane von Furstenberg has reinvented the hospital gown. That is a good thing. Now I hope she will hit up her perfume division with the notion to dispel the distinct odor of hospitals. Win. win. win. win. win.

This morning on MSN.com, there was some idiotic article about mortal sin and which celebrities committed them. Excuse me, raise your hand if you are perfect. No hands? Exactly my point. Who is in charge of editorial content there? Beg, borrow, or steal some brains, please!

Recession Dining Hints

Actually, the following information stands for all the time. David Bakke wrote an article outlining what to avoid when dining out – moneywise.  His list included pasta, soft drinks, wine, pizza, and the “nightly special”. His reasoning? The markup on these items is ridiculous. Just sayin’ (restaurant friends, do not scream at me).

Whew. Am fresh out of snark. For the moment. If  I stay inside much longer, it’s not going to be pretty. Have I told you how awful I am when I’ve got way too much time on my hands? Argggggggggggg………

Later.

Who Are You & How Can You Do This?

 

 

Last night, I watched Boston Med, ABC’s new medical reality docu/drama. I thought it was excellent … and disturbing.  One of the stories told was that of Marvin Pollet, a 55-year old man from Louisiana.  He suffered from amloidosis, a protein disorder that can attack vital organs.  If the heart comes under attack, cardiac failure can occur.  And so it did, in Marvin. His cardiologist at Mass Gen was Dr. Kimberly Parks.  Apparently, Marvin was scheduled to see Dr. Parks three weeks earlier but an alleged insurance snafu delayed his visit. He desperately needed a heart transplant, but he had to get to Mass Gen to be evaluated in order to be put on the transplant list.  He lost three weeks, his health deteriorated rapidly, and despite Dr. Park’s determination to save his life, he went into cardiac failure and died before a donor could be found.

What I find so disturbing is the insurance link in his tale. There are too many Marvin stories in this country. People who pay for health care only to find that if they become very ill, it’s a “too bad, so sad” situation. Insurance declined. Insurance Company says, “No”. The ridiculous maze of hoops we must jump through, just to get a portion of health care we pay dearly for, could also be cause for cardiac arrest. If you are very wealthy, a public figure, or a celebrity, well, you’re golden. For the rest of us, unless we hit a goldmine, the pot at the end of our rainbow reads, RIP, Insurance was Declined.

Who sits on these health insurance death squad committees? You know, the statistics gang who will decide whether you and I live or die someday? Any day? Is this a vaunted position? What are your credentials, seriously? Is it easy to sentence people to death because they are just names on paper? How does it feel to bankrupt Average Joe? Now he sits in his house that has been foreclosed on because his medical bills took him to the bank and closed his account. Do you get paid big bucks to let people die? How does it feel to know that you have, in your special way, contributed to the ruination/end of an untold number of lives?  Every Single Day. Sleep well? Hope not.  Just sayin’…

Later.