If It’s Tuesday, I Am Freaky

75 and feeling fine

What freaks you out?

After reading a post about hotels by domermom, I was immediately reminded of things that go ick in the night. Starting with hotels – five-star or no star – hotel rooms freak me out. When I enter one, there are activities I am forced to perform. First, get hanger out of closet and remove bedspread using hanger. Toss anywhere out of view. Not a fan of gizz monsters/leftovers. Unpack socks. Lots of socks. Which come in handy when I need to walk on hotel room floor. There is no way in hell I would put my bare foot down on the carpet. See “leftovers”. Unpack flip-flops – for shower. Flush toilet with foot. I’m freaky that way.

Other Stuff that Gags Me

  • Food troughs, as in all-you-can-eat establishments
  • Sitting in traffic and looking over at the car next to me. The driver is digging for nose gold.
  • My dog trying to cozy up to my minimal chesticles. I didn’t breastfeed my babies; he is freaking me out.
  • Smells: scrambled eggs, wet puppies, ground beef cooking, chicken boiling, cig smoke in cars, b.o., Asiago cheese
  • People scratching their privates in public – get a room
  • Chaos – some people love an environment filled with ringing phones, slamming doors, loud convos – all fine, but not for me
  • Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul (I do this regularly)
  • Intentional disrespect – i.e. ugly scuffle on DWTS last night, Bitches Housewives of Beverly Hills always ganging up on one woman

Enough! Let’s end this on a positive note! Playing Words With Friends the other night, Lady Di used “ergo“; I LOVE that word. Other faves include scathing, magical, lilting, and – when strung together – you have just won 100 billion dollars. Haven’t heard that last one yet. Ergo, I’d best get back to work.

Later.

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Current Events Report Card: Yikes!

 

 

With the holidays bearing down on us like an 18-wheeler approaching a Volkswagen at 100 mph, the only item that appears to be in short shrift is time. So I must be quick here because I never like to miss an opportunity to be snarky. The topic today is Current Events.

  • Dancing with the Stars – Grade F-: Jennifer Grey is splendid. That Kyle guy is fine. But this Bristol Palin uproar is totally legit. I have no problem with her as a human but she is no dancer. She is being used and I feel sorry for her. Shame on her mother!

 

  •  Airport Sex/Security Procedures – Grade Incomplete: This is messed up on so many levels. Obviously, those  “In The Know” have information about terrorism that demands major security scrutiny. Hello, people! Staging protests = beyond already hideous lines = people missing planes. I get the point. I have heard the woman who had a security guard search inside her underwear, and stating it was worse than a visit to the gynecologist. I’m sorry but that is beyond acceptable. And the poor man who wore a urological contraption which was broken during his search, flooding his clothing and the floor with urine. And he’s supposed to get on a plane after that? Don’t know what the answer is here. But I will walk to my destination before I will allow a stranger – or a friend – to put their hands in my pants while I’m wearing them. Sheesh! What are we going to do here? 

 

  • Raising Hope – Grade A++++++: Backed into this one accidentally and am so glad I did. This is one of the funniest shows I’ve seen in a long time. We all need to laugh. You will laugh if you watch this. No, I am not being paid to say this. Cloris Leachman is hilarious as are all the cast members.
  • Spitting into the Wind – Grade N as in some things Never change: No matter what, I will never, ever, ever, never get used to seeing Christmas decorations in August. With a slight curtsy to Thanksgiving, Christmas is pounded into our lives for way too much of the year. Thanksgiving is a great holiday, too. Would it be too disturbing to focus on one event at a time? Good grief.

That being said, have a great, happy Thanksgiving. And if you don’t do Thanksgiving, have a great, happy week. 

 

I’m putting on my body armor so I can go to the grocery store and purchase ingredients for all the items I must cook. These will be served at my Mother’s house on Thursday. And they better be delicious. Or I will get an F and that doesn’t stand for “Family”.

Gobble, gobble. Later.

 

     

Skippin’

I Love that song, “Skippin‘” by Mario. Always provokes a happy dance. As does the weather here. It’s in the 50’s in the morning! That would be like the first snow for most people, but remember, I live on the outskirts of the Gates of Hell (temp wise). Am uncharacteristically bright and shiny. Have been for a while. Maybe I have to be in a misery to write. Nah.

Stupid Morning: This one. I woke up at 8:10. By 9 am, I’d had blood drawn at one doctor’s office AND had a temporary crown put on at the dentist’s office. No food, NO CAFFEINE. Attire: trench coat over pajamas. Attitude: it’s all a blur – I am a caffeind. Am now drinking magnum of espresso.

 The Crown Thing: The stupid crown on tooth in very back of mouth is seriously out of control. As stated before, my dentist wanted to replace the  $5K/3 surgeries crown. Had temporary put in. The stupid temporary fell out as I was dashing off to a black-tie event Saturday night. Woo Hoo – here comes Clem Cadiddlehopper in a black cocktail dress. Had the stupid temporary put back in on Monday. It fell out last night before Glee. (Did not impair dancing capabilities). Temp put back on this morning, but now dentist thinks more surgery because of aggressive gums. Oh please. By the time – if it ever comes – that I do get my real crown, the cost will be more than a gold crown I could wear on my head. Perky, nice dental assistant suggested I NOT drink hot coffee  or perhaps I’d enjoy an iced coffee. I DO NOT ENJOY ICED COFFEE, SCREWED UP DENTAL ISSUES, OR DRINKING COFFEE THROUGH A STRAW. Shoo, woman!

On the Job Front: Have really gotten quite cozy with this unemployment situation. Very Cozy. In the past 2-1/2 months, I’ve applied for approximately one job. It would require a move as well as making an appearance on tv every day. Couldn’t be a longer shot. Am estimating there are at least a million applicants. But my mantra is, “Oh well, what the hell”. Trust me, I’m not packing my bags. Have found some financial opportunities. Have amassed approximately $20.80 answering surveys online for Opinion Outpost. God knows, I have an opinion on everything. Am figuring that the surveys combined with garage sale and eBay offerings, I should clear a cool $50 this month. Drinks are on me.

Observations from Past Week

  •  Watching middle-aged white men try to keep up with racehorse dates on dance floor is food for America’s Funniest Home Videos. <insert peals of laughter here> Some of you can actually dance; I just haven’t seen it happen. I love to laugh so please keep on dancing.

  • September/October reading list to come … man, I’ve been lazy.
  • Still have sassy attitude in tact (good or bad, depending on person). Saw a friend I hadn’t seen in 15 years; we did the your life/my life deal. I said I’d been divorced five years. He said, “So, you’re single and hot?”. My reply: “No, I’m spoken for and hot!” So there!

Rather than ramble on, am going to take nap or contemplate existence or read a book or dance to Glee rerun ….

Skippin’…

Later.

Wednesday Wiggles

I’m conducting a scientific experiment. I made it up. Am trying to determine how observant others are. This requires me to wear pajamas everywhere. Either I’m invisible or own a mess of fine-ass sleepwear because no one I’ve been with has said a word. On second thought, I’m going to end this experiment immediately. Just remembered Crazy Woman Dancing. When I was in middle school, we lived across the street from a bigwig at some corporation. Every morning after he went to his coupon-clipping job, his wife would perform. Outside. In her pajamas. She had not seen her forties in many a moon; she looked like a potato on two sticks with dyed black hair. She would dance up a storm, waltzing here, twisting there, with a little cha-cha-cha thrown in. It’s fair to say she had a wee bit of a struggle with adult beverage consumption. Her “keeper” would wander out about an hour after the performance started and reel her back into the asylum house.

My eldest popped over yesterday. She has come to the conclusion that her father is very “regimented” and I am very “wiggly”; she claimed she and her sister were smack dab in the middle. She must have seen me dancing strolling down the grocery aisle in my pajamas street clothes. Under the influence of caffeine. Wiggly?

Rather than rant on Justin Bieber (who cares who he’s kissing? blech!), rip some very strange Freshly Pressed selections sandwiched between outstanding choices (an ongoing mystery with no end in sight), and cry for the poor soul playing the new female football coach on Glee, I guess I’ll just let my head explode for the umpteenth time. Or start dancing on the driveway ….

Better wiggle out of these pajamas first.

Later.

Why I Like My Birthday

  • Am obviously still alive, duh
  • My awesome friend, Malibu, just sent me a text. “You are a deaf friend.” She MUST have meant “dear”. You did mean “dear”, didn’t you? I’m only 21 … again.
  • Everyone is really, really nice.
  • Earth, Wind, & Fire immortalized this day with “September” … “Do you remember the 21st night of September” No, it wasn’t written for me but I can pretend it was. Because it’s my birthday!
  • Will stay in my pajamas all day and be completely irresponsible. I know this is what I do everyday, but it’s legal today. Will fluff up later for dinner. Maybe.
  • The new season of GLEE premieres. I really did consider staying in so I could watch it. Then I remembered I could record it. Win-win.

Am snarkless and rantless. Just for today. So don’t start thinking I’ll be all sunshine and lollipops tomorrow. Will depend on alignment of stars, etc. Nevertheless, happy birthday to all of you who were born today … and are still alive. My games and trash tv are calling ……

Later.