Pondering, Damn It All

Really!

Today has not been bad. It’s been … meh. preceded by much of the same. What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

The “experts” say the happiest people in this world are grateful, no matter what their circumstances. Cool. God knows I’m grateful. Just haven’t reached the “no matter what the circumstances” zone. Definitely something to aspire to.

i am going to start saying this!!

I get this way sometimes. Good grief, at this stage of the game, you’d think I’d have this life stuff all tied up in a bow. Maybe it’s dull routine, maybe it’s a long weekend stretching ahead.

Lethal

In the olden days, my “escape plan” from these feelings was not well thought out, but a plan nonetheless. Just get on I-10 and head west and eventually I would end up in California. Like I said, not much of a plan.

truth.

Painful but oh so true. And it’s pretty much self-inflicted as “others” have no concept of my expectations and that’s not fair to them.

So true

Note to self: No Instagram or Facebook until further notice.

Weight Loss Motivation How To Find It And Keep It

I like that idea. Lighten up and move on down the alphabet.

dance...

PERFECT!! My favorite thing to do. So I think I will dance and eat a bunch of chocolate.

Lord, listen through my heart.

That would sum it up.

Off to dance, eat chocolate, and pray.

Later.

Iz

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Stop Being A Mother?

I am a mother.

Mercifully, I still have my own mother in a time when the majority of my friends have lost theirs. My mom and I have most certainly had our differences over the years. Big emphasis on differences. But she’s still my mom, and I know that she has always done the best she could to be a good mother. And no matter what my age, I will always be her child.

Many times, I’ve wanted to yell and scream at her, especially when she tells me what I should and shouldn’t do. But I’ve lived long enough to know that she just wants to help, and what sounds hurtful and critical is not meant that way at all. She wants to be relevant in my life, she wants me to be the best person I can be. So, I must let my interpretations of what I think she is saying fall through my mental sieve, and love her. It’s just the way it works for me. Time and experience, wasted anger and rage, have taught me to be the daughter of the woman who would give her life for me. At the end of the day, it’s all about respect. And the fact that my dad would probably whoop the living hell out of me, even at this late stage of the game, if I treated her with any disrespect.

My two daughters are the two best people I know. We get sideways sometimes. I’ll have an issue with one, and after exhausting the topic and getting nowhere, I’ll talk to the other about what I can do – or not do. Mothers are like that; we want our chicks to thrive in the best possible circumstances. And I’ve made more than my share of mistakes, unwarranted comments and offered advice has been misunderstood as hurtful criticism. This part of the mother job is the hardest. And that is an understatement.

Both of my daughters are adults. They are living adult lives. Yesterday, my youngest daughter and I got into it via text; she lives in another city and is making big decisions about the next few years of her life. I wanted to find out where she was in the decision process. Long story short – it ended badly. My opinions weren’t wanted, and I made it worse by pushing and pushing and pushing. Driving home from work, I felt like my skin was going to fall off, I was boiling inside. She was the one who, as a toddler, would press her face against the window and cry hysterically when I had to leave for work. She was the one who would throw up whenever I left town. But she’s an adult now. I forgot.

I’d invited my eldest daughter over for dinner last night. I was still in a swivet when I got home and the story of the day spilled out. She said, “Mom, you’ve got to let her go.” I’d never thought about it that way, but she’s right. The lessons always come from the most surprising places … and circumstances.

So, no matter what, I will always be here for both of them. For the tearful phone calls, for the requests for advice, to feed them when they are hungry, hug them when they are sad, laugh with them when we are amused, help them whenever necessary. Yes, I have to let them go. Hard but doable. This “freeing” process is going to take much discipline on my part. But I’m going to give it my best. I’m quite clear what letting them go doesn’t mean.

I will never stop being their mother. No matter what. Ever.

Be happy. Your choice.

Later.

Why I Love Letters & Quotes

 

 I love letters. I love letters because when put together, they sometimes explain so much about life. To me, at least. Have always been a “quote” collector; some people can just explain everything better than I can at any moment in time.

Scouring my bookshelves this afternoon, I found a book of quotes my dear friend gave me in 1980. I’d been looking for another book for an explanation of some experiences that keep repeating themselves. I found that too, but this 30-year old treasure has plenty of  relevant material as well. Let the sharing begin:

  • “What is said drunk has been thought out beforehand.”
  • “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”
  • “Nothing is so strong as gentleness; nothing is so gentle as real strength.”
  • “Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.”
  • “There is no such thing as a little garlic.”
  • “Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.”
  • “Don’t see all you see and don’t hear all you hear.”

That last quote is pertinent to my experiences this week. Lots of commotion, talks about friendship, and realizations about some personal relationships. In an article written in the March 2010 issue of O Magazine, author Paige Williams wrote about “Friendship Detox”. She listed some great pointers regarding friends vs. frenemies, keeping in mind that “friendship is about collaboration, not domination.” If you have some funky relationships or nine, Williams says to ask yourself:

  1. Do you look forward to seeing this person or is it a chore?”
  2. “Is she truly happy to see you, or do you suspect she wants something from you or needs to lord something over you?”
  3. “Will you walk away from this meeting feeling good – or manipulated, demeaned, poisoned, or played?”

That is some brain munch, and most necessary at times. Other related quotes popped up, like, “There’s a special place in hell for women who do not help other women,” from the mouth of Madeleine Albright (!). My take on the whole frenemy thing – never complain to – or trust – a faux friend. Leaving this topic with a quote from my mom, “Some people are about as deep as a pie pan.” And we:’re walking …..

  • “If you don’t throw it, they can’t hit it.”
  • “Never let the bottom of your purse or your mind be seen.”
  • “A narrow mind has a broad tongue.”
  • “When it comes to helping you, some people stop at nothing.”
  • “It is the cracked ones that let the light through.”
  • “Don’t complain, don’t explain.”
  • “Opportunity at every door knocketh, but it has never been known to pick a lock.”
  • “Turn a frown upside down and all the frown juice will fall out.”
  • “If you have to ask what “jazz”is, you will never know.”
  • “Never put off ’til tomorrow what you can get by with not doing at all.”

That’s all I have for today, folks! I’m positive you have some good ones. Share!

Happy Weekend. Over and out.

Later.

Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got A Lovely ……

 

If you are easily offended, please do not read this post; come back another day. You have been warned. 🙂

Got an email a couple of weeks ago that promised to make me laugh. All I had to do was watch the You Tube video. It features part of a BBC show, apparently about the Brown family. When the title is, “Mrs. Brown Gets A Bikini Wax“. I love British humor; despite the fact that “bikini wax” in the title is a bit much, of course I looked it up and watched. And laughed my self silly. Should you need a good laugh and are a bit twisty, please watch it to the very end. You can find it here:

I’m a link loser so just go straight to You Tube and type in the show title. Oh, don’t complain, like that’s a bunch of trouble.

Speaking of losing, since I have taken on the odious chore of cleaning my house, I have found lots of surprises. Each day I discover something amiss. Today, it was the shower door.  Most of the time, I shower downstairs. My shower exerts as much pressure as a new-born baby. But I was in a hurry. Have worn glasses for about a month. Looked at the shower door, which is all glass, as I got in. It had been cleaned with a Brillo pad and looks like a cat with metal claws went into a glass-slashing frenzy. Who in their right mind would do that?

Delving into my kitchen cabinets, I found all sorts of cutlery and dishes that were obviously removed from the dishwasher and put away – but the dishwasher was never used. GROSS.

Later, I went to my liquor cabinet. Never go there unless I’m having company … and happy pills treat me much better than moonshine. When I opened the door, I saw a slew of empty bottles: tequila, scotch, bourbon, gin, vodka. Of course, my first thought went to my girls. Wrong. They are of age and live elsewhere. Who in the world drained all the liquor bottles?

I pondered these mysteries while walking Cooper earlier. And ran into my friend, E. We chatted and I complained about house cleaning, glass slashing and the missing adult beverage material. She gave me a look that said, “HELLO!” I always wondered why my former house helper had a hard time getting to her car at the end of the day. And that also explains the glass door mess, the dishwasher that wasn’t allowed to do its job, and all the gouges in my walls and woodwork.  There was a cocktail party, attended by one, every week at mi casa. God knows, house cleaning is wretched, but get drunk after work, like everybody else.

Dumber than a bag of hammers, I am was. I once was blind but now I have glasses. Which I accidentally wore into the shower today. Whatev.

Off to bed now as I must get up at three a.m. to attend the Royal Wedding. I wonder if Mrs. Brown was invited?

 Nighty Noodles.

Later.

*Not a peep from Ms. DeGeneres … yet. 😦

Bucket Decorating & List Making

 

This ain’t no stinkin’ bucket list. Just so you know.

First things first. Lent starts Wednesday so I have given a little thought to what I’m giving up. And taking on. Which leads me to a word I use with gusto. It begins with F and ends in K. You can say it alone or add “you”, “me”, the names of friends, neighbors, family members, people on tv … well, the possibilities are ENDLESS! So, I’m giving up saying the F-word until April 24. Knowing myself all too well, I’ve made provisions for those times when I’m tempted.

Provision 1: Home: All credit for this goes to Amy Sedaris; one of her hilarious books, “I Like You … hospitality under the influence”, has a crafty little project called a “F*&k It Bucket“. Can’t reference what goes in it as some little f-er borrowed and never returned my copy but that’s not the point. I’ve made my own FIB. Any time I am provoked to think about saying the word, I will write down the person, place, or thing that is pissing me off and drop it in the bucket. Easter Bonfire, my house, dusk.

Provision 2: Away : Will always have some iMechanism with me. All equipment features the EXPLICIT version of Cee Lo Green‘s song, “F**K You“. The nice version, “Forget You” simply will not do. When my feathers get ruffly, I’ll simply smile and play that tune AS LOUD AS POSSIBLE! I would say the w-w word here, but Charlie Sheen has stomped that sucker dead.

More Changes Beginning Wednesday

  • No “Dancing With the Stars” this season. Am giving up watching this more out of pity than sacrifice. The cast absolutely sucks, I thought Wendy Williams was a man, and poor Kirstie Alley, well I can’t even go there.
  • I will take Cooper (my dog) on longer walks each day so his nickname will not be Fatticus Finch.
  • I will not pretend I don’t speak English when people I don’t like ask me questions.
  • I will not cross my eyes and make gagging noises when helpful people tell me what I should be doing to improve my life.
  • Anonymous good deeds … can’t say any more on these as they are … anonymous.
  • Giving up jalapeno potato chips and jalapeno Cheetos. HARD! And Scotch, green peas, and yams. EASY!
  • Exercise every day
  • No Whining – ughhhhhhhhhhhhh!
  • Be sweet – aggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Off to put the second coat of varnish on my f-ing bucket. 🙂

Later.

Home

 

OMG. Have been a shut-in for too long. Having the flu is a good reason to stay inside but it’s gone to my brain. I just cried my eyeballs out WATCHING AMERICAN IDOL. Before you delete me permanently, let me explain.

This contestant, a brilliant young man with a big old voice, came on stage. I barely glanced up from my computer. And then he sang … and the tears started. He sang, “A House Is Not A Home“, and he sounded just like Luther Vandross. I love this song and I realized, while he was singing, it explains what I cannot. Tried in the past, but just keep it to myself now.

“A chair is still a chair

Even when there’s no one sitting there

 But a chair is not a house

And a house is not a home

When there’s no one there to hold you tight

And no one there to kiss goodnight.

Burt Bacharach and Hal David wrote this; enlightened men, indeed. But that’s not my point.

I have a house.

I want a home.

A Crock of …

 

I wish I had his shirt. Not his shit, just the shirt.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, so I’ll write. If you are coming late to the party, I absolutely DO NOT  nor have I ever had any interest in online dating. Soooo happy for all the happy couples who met that way. So glad it works for so many. So glad if you like lima beans. I don’t. And that is my prerogative. Online dating + me = NO FRIGGING WAY. Which makes the next part of this story ironic.

Stuck in the house like the rest of the country, I’m on the computer … a lot. Oh boy, here’s a free personality test. I love those, I mean, there is always room for improvement, right? It started out simply … no real names, interests, yada yada … and before I knew it, I was in a bait-and-switch operation, on an online dating site. Ok, screw you, scammers. So I filled in their questions with some real and many false answers.

  • Do you smoke? Constantly!
  • How many drinks do you have per week? Can’t count that high.
  • Education level? Forth fOrt fourth grade
  • Income? ( -$150,000.79) that would be negative
  • Favorite music? Appalachian garage bands
  • Your idea of a great date? Get stinking drunk, throw up on the beach, start drinking again, get arrested.

Then there was a spot where you had to write 200 words about yourself. I typed “Blah” until it reached the stopping point. No photo, nothing. Next thing I know, an email address I have reserved for “trash” is full of creepy “matches”. DELETE. And they just kept coming. DELETE x 30. Really. I assure you, with the information I provided, a man would have to be a psychopath to want to “chat”. Psychopath is so last year. Really.

Had to make all sorts of threats to the administrators of the site to remove myself. I never “joined” or paid a dime. So, my inadvertent and very brief experience with online dating was over before it ever got started. Thank God.

Today, Lady Di sent me an email. She has a precious friend in Arizona who does use one of those sites. The email included her friends’ new “matches”. I almost started crying for her and I don’t even know her. Never have I seen a more motley crew of Eeyores. I know it is shallow to judge anyone, especially by photo. But if these poor souls were putting their best face forward, well, it can best be described as desperate Photoshop situation.

If it’s not organic, I don’t want to play. Which brings many “tsk tsks” from well-meaning friends; the few who haven’t given up on me as a “hopeless case”. After my divorce, I was with a group of women and we were talking about dating. Out of eight, two of us were single. When I said  it was rather difficult to meet nice people, one of the women turned to me and said, “You had your chance and you blew it. That part of your life is over”. Meaning, because my marriage didn’t last, there was absolutely no reason to consider another relationship. Ever.

Hmmm. That comment knocked the wind out of me. I’ve made peace with her and her comment; I make daily peace with the fact that all circumstances indicate she’s right. At least she didn’t say, “Good things come to those who wait” or any of the other platitudes that do more harm than good. And this is the part where I say …. WHATEVER. Enough.

In the WTF department: just stepped outside to turn on a light and A BIRD SHAT ON MY HEAD. This is getting ridiculous. First my wrist, then my chesticle, now my head. Surely someone can find some meaning in this other than I am a bird shit magnet. Aggghhhhhhhhh!

Stay warm. It is colder here in Texas than it is in Alaska right now.

Later. Maybe.