Are You KIDDING Me?

Am pretty sure I’m going insane. Before I go, there is something I’d like to get off my chest. Normally, I don’t know that I’d give this thought a thought; under self-induced house arrest for the past two weeks, well, I’ve made my life crazy and small.  Just for today, I wish I were someone else. So if you don’t agree with me, blame it her/him/it. Rock, paper, scissors. Whatever.

  • Am I an idiot because I don’t understand the “historic significance” of President Obama appearing on “The View” tomorrow. Don’t get me wrong, I like Whoopi and some of her gang. But I don’t understand all the self-promotion of this upcoming show; it is not the Second Coming. To make matters worse, poor Barbara Walters is leaving her sickbed to be on hand for the Big Event. I would think, hope, pray that our President would have a million more important items on his agenda for tomorrow before he’d get to #1,000,001- Appear on daytime tv talk show. 

Whirled peas, my ass! Off to watch paint peel…

Later.

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Who Are You & How Can You Do This?

 

 

Last night, I watched Boston Med, ABC’s new medical reality docu/drama. I thought it was excellent … and disturbing.  One of the stories told was that of Marvin Pollet, a 55-year old man from Louisiana.  He suffered from amloidosis, a protein disorder that can attack vital organs.  If the heart comes under attack, cardiac failure can occur.  And so it did, in Marvin. His cardiologist at Mass Gen was Dr. Kimberly Parks.  Apparently, Marvin was scheduled to see Dr. Parks three weeks earlier but an alleged insurance snafu delayed his visit. He desperately needed a heart transplant, but he had to get to Mass Gen to be evaluated in order to be put on the transplant list.  He lost three weeks, his health deteriorated rapidly, and despite Dr. Park’s determination to save his life, he went into cardiac failure and died before a donor could be found.

What I find so disturbing is the insurance link in his tale. There are too many Marvin stories in this country. People who pay for health care only to find that if they become very ill, it’s a “too bad, so sad” situation. Insurance declined. Insurance Company says, “No”. The ridiculous maze of hoops we must jump through, just to get a portion of health care we pay dearly for, could also be cause for cardiac arrest. If you are very wealthy, a public figure, or a celebrity, well, you’re golden. For the rest of us, unless we hit a goldmine, the pot at the end of our rainbow reads, RIP, Insurance was Declined.

Who sits on these health insurance death squad committees? You know, the statistics gang who will decide whether you and I live or die someday? Any day? Is this a vaunted position? What are your credentials, seriously? Is it easy to sentence people to death because they are just names on paper? How does it feel to bankrupt Average Joe? Now he sits in his house that has been foreclosed on because his medical bills took him to the bank and closed his account. Do you get paid big bucks to let people die? How does it feel to know that you have, in your special way, contributed to the ruination/end of an untold number of lives?  Every Single Day. Sleep well? Hope not.  Just sayin’…

Later.

Home Sweat Home

   

  

No, I didn’t misspell “Sweet” in the headline.  Just returned from the BEST vacation (much more on this later); it is 100-degrees in the shade here.  I don’t care because I’m so blissed out, nothing is going to pop my happy balloon. Re-entry  usually makes me seriously grumpy. But not this time…..  

  • After my plane landed, I headed to the taxi stand. Once settled inside my ride, the teenage(?) driver took off at warp speed. So fast my hair blew back and my hair is very short;I believe the polite word for it is “gamine”. Teen  driver was multi-tasking; he had the accelerator pushed to the floor as he tried to punch my address into that talking direction box thing while squirting Eau de Reek throughout the vehicle.  His typing skills were nil so I was spelling v-e-r-y  s-l-o-w-l-y and LOUDLY.  I determined, from what I could understand, that he’d just come from Lebanon via Iraq because his uncle, the real taxi driver, had a bad back. While flying from side to side in the wildly careening cab, I began texting my family and friends about making my funeral arrangements as my demise was imminent. But God is good;we screeched to a halt in front of my home in about 20 minutes.  The airport is a good 45-minute drive when there is no traffic.  That’ll be $80, which I gladly paid in return for my life.
  • Surprise!  College Girl was at the house.  We had a brief happy reunion.  Then she said, “You have no food”.  Too happy to be snarky, I pointed her toward the grocery store and gave her a push.
  • Went to check voicemail.  Several “Are you ok?”messages.  How does anyone know about that taxi ride yet?  Well, they didn’t. Apparently lightning had its way with a number of homes around me – four across the courtyard, six behind me.  All completely toasted. Horrible but no one injured. I was damn lucky to be alive AND have a bed to fall into.
  • Cooper’s boarding school called bright and early the next morning with a plea for me to fetch him.  Lisa, the Principal, told me he was a “talker”, he doesn’t like dogs but he does like people.  Because he thinks he’s a person. So he spent a week bitching in his own special way about his accommodations.  Glad to see him go, they were.
  • Returned home to an email from Miss Peach.  She is tired and needs a check she left with me deposited into her account. SHE IS ON A GREEK ISLAND. And apparently out of moolala. Whatever. So I found her check, promptly lost it, and had to email her dad to stop payment, blah, blah, blah. After losing everything but my head while traveling with Cowgirl, she suggested I might have a spot of ADD.  Am beginning to think she’s right, and spot is just a drop in my ADD bucket.  Still blissful.
  • Finally got to spend quality time with my cooking partner.  As we were strolling the grocery store aisles, I asked him about the upcoming holiday. You know, plans and stuff.  He has them; he and his buddy are in a marathon fishing tournament. In a place where fish live.  Which would not be here. My bliss turned to piss briefly, then I regained my composure. I am still alive and have a bed to fall into and a dog who thinks he’s a person.  All good. Plus, there’s a nasty tropical storm brewing near the Gulf AND the fish are likely escapees from the oil spill which = inedible. Hope that storm stays away and fish migrate from California … but you never know.

So, to wrap this ramble up, the bliss remains … despite family medical scares (everyone is fine), fire and brimstone, Fourth of Stinking July fishing tournaments, and a dog who is applying for his SSN#.  I didn’t watch a second of television for a week (bliss!) …only to find out that a very bad boy tried to sell his “used” mother on eBay AND that rancid slice of bologna, Jake the Bachelor, split from his fake fiancée AND allegedly drew back his fist to punch her during an interview.  Enough!  

Cooper and I are going to sit in the refrigerator and cool off …. 

 Later.

If I Were A Lion, I Would Roar

I know it’s Tuesday but it feels like Dumbday.  And I’m feeling bitchy.  You have been warned.

  • In the We-Are-So-Screwed Department, apparently the Feds have asked director James Cameron to brainstorm with the Powers That Be on how to stop the BP DISASTER in the Gulf of Mexico.  Excuse me, I don’t give a rat’s ass if he is an underwater technology guy – HE MADE A MOVIE ABOUT A SINKING SHIP.  Really, is this the best we can do?  We have an environmental disaster beyond measure and the Feds call Hollywood? And point fingers?  Can some smart people please take charge here. Jeez……..
  • The last report I read, BP stock continues to sink.  The company has lost somewhere in the are of 65 billion or so.  Hmmmm …. a company that can lose 65 billion or so and still be in business? Wow.  And NOT have a backup plan for rig disasters? Double Wow. Have always loved a quote of John Wayne’s, “If you don’t like something, don’t bitch. Get off your butt and do something about it.” Well, John, I would if I could, but I don’t think getting in a canoe and paddling out there with a net is going to make a difference.  Hence, the bitchfest.
  • Someone snuck in my room while I was sleeping and removed part of my brain.  There is no other reason why I would purposefully turn on the television shows I have.  Last night, for instance.  Accidently turned on “The Bachelorette” – and it was horrible.  Not reviewing the show, but what happened on air.  There are a bunch of “men” trying to win Ali’s heart.  One of them is a nice weather weenie.   The other, a dental appliance salesman. A scary, psychotic, cruel, nutbag sort of guy.  He taunted the weather weenie so much, it was painful to watch.  The weather weenie told on him and dental devil did not receive a rose.  Two things made me angry: the other “guys” didn’t tell Satan to shut the hell up at any point and, he’s really so scary I fear for any man or woman who ever gets near him.  This show continues to choose disturbed contestants.  And it is disturbing ……
  • As if that wasn’t enough, next on was “The Real Housewives of New Jersey“. Don’t want to get whacked so must be careful here.  Suffice it to say there were major rumblings on the show, along with ex-cons on parole.  One of the parolees wanted to do bad things to other people, but parole would end in six days if he kept his hands to himself.  While the show was very real, it has nothing to do with any sort of housewives I’ve ever known. The only ex-con would be the guy in high school who was caught literally shaking down the washing machines for quarters at the washateria.  These people on tv are very scary.

Cooking Partner asks, “Why do you watch that trash?”.  And I do not have a good answer.  I don’t have an answer.  Because part of my brain is missing.  Think I’ll go look for it … ending this bitchathon.  You’re welcome.

Later.

A Quickie and Two Hummers

Get your mind out of the gutter, not that kind … a quickie post and two of those ridiculous vehicles! So … 

  • Am baking my ass off – not complaining … sighing heavily, but not complaining.
  • Ok, here’s my read on the reality tv finales:  Pussycat Doll should win Dancing With Stars, hands down.  The skater dude is good, but he’s already won a gold medal at Olympics. Spread the love, judges.  That woman can dance.  American Idol – I think Lee and Crystal should tie – a first for the show – why do you think they did that duet?  If that doesn’t happen, and one wins over the other, it will have no effect on my world as I know it. 
  • Big news on MSN.com:  “Last Two Hummers Roll Off the Line”  – if I was not so damn tired, I would make this R-rated; all I have to say about it is … ho-hum, who gives, not me!
  • A nice woman came to measure my windows this afternoon.  The windows are enormous and located on the second floor.  Where there is no landing.  I was up to my eyeballs in dough, literally.  Cooper was doing his best rabid dog imitation, and her tape measure was … bendy.  Bendy?  What?  The windows are 8 feet tall and you brought a bendy tape measure?  As my rolls go flat, I have to dig around the house, flinging dough hither and yon, to find a NORMAL tape measure.  I paid $50 to have my windows measured.  I think I need a refund.  On further thought, I think I need a drink.  Make that a double.  Gin and tonic, two limes, please and make it snappy.

Later. Maybe.

Hazy Tuesday

It’s late afternoon.  The weather here is already terrarium-friendly – a brisk 91-degrees.  Just sitting here, thinking:

  • Vanilla beats chocolate in my world. Shocking, I know.  Not a fan of ice cream, either.  Am a legal alien.
  • Conversations with hyper people wear me out.  And I am hyper – but less so each day. Rah!
  • That Russell guy on “Survivor” is a repulsive, nasty, little roach.  If he’s the millionaire he claims to be, why doesn’t he buy himself some teeth?  Dude, make that appointment with a dentist. 
  • The color yellow is not flattering on most people.  
  • Can someone tell me why all the Honey Crisp apples disappeared?  Really, they were at all the grocery stores and then a few months ago, all apples of that variety were gone, baby, gone.  What is the deal here?
  • Am chomping at the bit to go on vacation – it cannot come too soon.  Haven’t boarded a dog in a couple of years. My, how things have changed.  If I so choose, Cooper could have his own suite with tv(?), spa services, and a specified number of  “cuddle times”.  Not gonna happen; I love him, but my dog is not going to have a better vacation than me. If you find this upsetting, you pay for it. Merci.
  • I remember having dinner at a restaurant one night and Billy Gibbons of ZZ Top was seated at the table across the way.  He placed this ginormous thing on the table, which was an early version of the cell phone; it resembled Frankenstein’s shoe.  Remember thinking to myself, “No one is that important”.  Still feel that way.  Am so over people working their Blackberrys/iPhones to the nub in the middle of dinner, meetings, driving, walking – everywhere.  SO RUDE.  Put down the damn phone and be present.
  • Current addictions:  1/2 Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper + 1/2 Coke straight up, Dermalogica products, fresh herbs (for cooking), good news, happy times, and GLEE.
  • Watermelon and mangoes are yummy right this minute.  Already forgot about the stupid apples.
  • Don’t believe the news about the guy who says he’s had nothing to eat or drink in 70 years.  He looks like hell, but I have to call BS on that claim.  Like it matters. Ha!

Have to dash.  My Very Exciting Life is calling.  Promise to focus soon … if possible.

HA!

Later.

Woo Hoo Weekend

Why I’m up at 6 am drinking coffee is beyond me.  What a weekend.  What a wonderful weekend.  Am glad I saw my boss last night so she will know why I can’t go to work tomorrow. Ha!

Did the 24-hour zip trip to Austin with Poob.  College Girl was delighted and delightful.  Her friends – and their moms – are darling and we had a big time that did not involve multiple hours of pub crawling.  Had my first stay in a hotel there in six years; always stay with Austin Ann.  Boy, am I behind the times.  There were dogs all over the place – four-legged kind.  I didn’t know you can bring your dog to your hotel. Mais oui!

Austin is still Austin.  Weird and wonderful.  It’s the sort of place where you see the oddest of people on every street corner and no one does a double take.  T-shirts and bumper stickers proclaim, “Keep Austin Weird”.  Whoever is in charge of that motion is doing a splendid job.  When passed on the street by a man taking his morning walk, and his attire is simply a red thong and sandals, well … that’s Austin. Wearing your pajamas any and everywhere isn’t unusual, either.  I LOVE that place. Our hotel was full of bikers, runners, and band members.  Could have had some really good stories had we stayed longer, but before we knew it, we were home again.

Crawled into my house about 1 pm.  Got a phone call from Miss Peach, who stayed at my house the night before to take care of Cooper.  She was in her bed at her apartment and wanted to place an order for chili cheese fries.  I explained I was not running a drive-through so the answer would be, “Are you nuts?” and “Thank you for babysitting.”  Buh bye. So wanted to crawl in my body mitten but that was not to be. Downloaded a pot of coffee, and Scotch-taped my eyelids open in order to stay awake for the next event.  And oh, what a happening that was.

Around 6 pm, drug my self upstairs to get ready for a very special celebration.  Threw on some jeans and a top I’d fished out of my god-daughter’s Goodwill bag, slapped some lipstick on. Ready!  KK, my partner in crime for the evening, called to ask about the attire.  When she picked me up, she said, “You frigging w&*%e, you look Parisian”. We can talk like that to each other.  And the only thing Parisian about me last night is that I looked like I’d crawled out of the sewers.  But it wasn’t about me a minute.

We went to a 21st birthday party for a great guy.  His parents, our friends, threw him a bash to end all bashes.  It was also his graduation party.  He is a special special needs person and his entire class was there. Not to mention a throng of friends and neighbors, a huge turnout.  His favorite band in the world is Nelo, so they were hired to play; Nelo is great, no I mean GREAT, and party boy was deliriously happy.  He accompanied the band, playing the air guitar in a most professional manner.  Everyone danced themselves silly, including moi.  The thing about this party that made it different from almost any party I’ve ever been to is that everyone was smiling and happy.  Many, many old friends and lots of kissing and hugging all around. It was a truly happy place where everyone was celebrating this wonderful young man. Grandparents, babies, teens, teachers, parents, and friends – happy, happy.

Got to see my dear friend, T, who almost died two months ago and she looks like a billion bucks.  Had a brief convo with the first “Undercover Boss”, another great guy.  He said he was really unsure how that show thing would go; I was glad I had the chance to tell him it was wonderful and I watch it every week.  It is good, turn it on tonight. Walden and Wack deposited me at my door close to 11 and I still had a smile on my face. 

Win-win weekend.  Love when that happens.

 Woo Hoo! Now back to bed. 🙂