Arsenic on the Rocks with Salt, PLEASE!

image

Today is the last day of the week.  It better be as far as I’m concerned.  After a six-day roller coaster ride full of false starts and insane requests, coupled with stress x 325, I feel a bit of a rant coming on.  Sharing …

  • Nights and Days of the Living Dead:  I live in a midrise.  Every single fire alarm in every single room of every single residence – as well as all the hallways – had to be checked. This took three days.  Yeah, yeah, it’s for safety, I get that.  And we were warned to board animals and don earplugs as the sound would be deafening.  Understatement.  We have all been zombified.
  • No Good Deed Goes Unpunished:  Had some editing work to do for an author.  I was instructed to stop when my fee reached a certain figure.  This guy is a friend, there was a lot of material to reconfigure, so I did a full edit.  I left money on the table but can’t stop myself when words get in the way.  Sent him his edit and then received an email requesting no less than five more hours of editing for free.  My head said, “Dude, are you frigging kidding me?”. Instead, I told him to put his own suggestions into words and see what he comes up with.  Like some $$$$$!
  • Why You Gotta Be So Rude?  Went to a lovely small gathering Friday night.  Met a new couple from London; they were fun and interesting.  At the end of the evening, we are all at the door, thanking our host and hostess.  Mrs. London invited host and hostess to brunch today.  She added, “We can take them but it would be more fun, just the four of us.” EXCUSE ME. “Them” included me and another person; we have ears and we were standing right next to her.  It would behoove this muppet to grab an etiquette book AND keep her stiff upper – and lower – British lips zipped. Gah!

Enough!

Off to sip my arsenic cocktail while watching Wolf Hall.

Later.

Angry Birds, Royal Wedding, Ellen DeGeneres & Other Randamonium

Well, hello there! What’s on your mind today? Here’s what’s on what is left of mine:

  • Angry Birds: If you “know” me, you know birds like to use me as a restroom. But I’m not talking about those birds. Talking about all the Angry Bird games. They are making me crazy. I get the utmost satisfaction when I aim a bird, let it fly, and it decimates a bunch of green pigs. Especially when I give the dastardly pigs names, usually names of people I know. Am greatly stressed at the moment because there are just some levels I have yet to win. Games should be relaxing but this one is making me crazy crazier. Back off, PETA; these pigs are animated and I love animals. Except fake green pigs. Meh.

 

  • Royal Wedding: Unlike most of the population, I’m not pissed I didn’t get an invite. Although I should have. My relative was the Queen of England … for eight days. Have stayed at The Goring, where Kate and Co. will stay until the wedding. It’s quite a lovely hotel and conveniently located right around the corner from Buckingham Palace. The only odd thing about the place is that the bar includes a herd of sit- upons resembling stuffed sheep. Of course, there’s an explanation for this, but I didn’t read the book. Baaaaaaaa! The sheep seats, ha!  These two lovebirds are getting hitched as quickly as possible; weddings are not held in the Anglican/Episcopal Church during the Lenten Season. Usually. And one more thing … Ellen DeGeneres didn’t get an invite, either, and Kate‘s her cousin. Someone has forgotten her manners. Maybe that’s common among commoners.

 

  • Ellen DeGeneres: She is one of the funniest people I don’t know. And she is kind and generous. She helps people. I’m still hunting for a job. So, I decided to write Ellen, requesting her help in this area. DON’T LAUGH OR I WILL CUT YOU… out of my will.  Am well aware that she gets grillions of letters, requests, pleas and such. Am also aware that I am not her demographic target. Nevertheless, I press on. I do know, from prior work, there are people hired to specifically go through all the communication and cull, giving her what they deem a “possibility” for her show. So I included a note to the person reading my words – “*Pretend I am your mother*” Maybe a tiny guilt trip will get my words in front of Ellen. Am not asking for job on her show – just employment that pays $$ that pays the bills. Will keep you posted re: any communication from Ellen. I don’t tweet, but I can dance. So we shall see ……….

 

  • Be Specific: Need to be more specific with my personal prayer requests. Finding myself in the dating pool at this stage of the game – well, I’ve uttered the phrase, “God help me!” about a million times. Usually after a date. So praying for a nice man or gaggle of nice men to enter my space is most necessary. That has yet to happen … or maybe it has. I live with a male who loves me unconditionally, would protect me to the death, who thinks I’m the nuts and soup. He’s awesome. But he is my dog, Cooper. Methinks more specificity is in order … need to add “human” to the mix. Silly moi.

Okay, Happy Day to all.

Am off to eat my weight in chocolate bunnies.

Later!

Hamster Cage Holidays

No, I’m not fresh out of bull. Just distracted. By insanity. At the request of the Idiot, who is terrified by the dental photo of last post, I’m just spewing forth whatever comes to mind. That is scary, folks. And wondering why I am always in town for any and every holiday. I guess I can’t celebrate this one as I do not labor, but I’ve been in labor twice so that should count for something, eh?

Running round and around

There is nothing like the phrase, “company’s coming”, to make you get your rear in gear and spruce up the home front. College Girl and her “friend” are coming in town for the football game tomorrow. Of course, they are staying here. I had to scramble to get new mattresses. Did you know that twin xl mattresses are not readily available and cost about twice what a regular twin costs?  Poppy, my great-grandfather, was 6’4″. Married people slept in twin beds back in the day. He had the beds made so his knees wouldn’t hang off the mattress. Long story short, the mattresses needed replacing, what with all the bedbug nastiness everywhere I look, and Labor Day sales are here. So I walked into Mattress Land and said, “Hello, that’ll be two extra-long, pillow-top, twin mattresses with box springs, delivered tonight. Don’t even think about charging me a fortune or I will cut you.” The salesman said, “Alrighty, then”. In and out, 15 minutes. A grillion dollars. The knowledge that I have no bed bugs, priceless.

Funny Things Other People Said

The 1960s were when hallucinogenic drugs were really big. And I don’t think it’s a coincidence that we had shows like “The Flying Nun”.   ellen degeneres

“I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”  steven wright

Cooking Partner Wanders Off The Grid

His middle name is “vague”. He thinks it’s funny. My middle name is “specific”. It’s my responsibility to whip my casa into shape. But I sure wish he’d surface on my radar, get his man panties over here and help me shove stuff around. Even though that’s not his job. I’m giving him an F- in Lending a Hand. Because I can.

Birthday Festival Month

Yep, it’s that time again. Another birthday coming up. Woo Hoo, really! Am not into astrology, but if I were, it is safe for me to say that I am a Virgo/Libra. Presents, gifts, money, jobs … all accepted. You will receive most excellent thank you note in return. P.S. It’s not until later in month but the early bird gets the worm.

Great Stuff I’ve Seen Lately

The Temple St. Clair for Target jewelry is out of control. Her designs are so beautiful and so out-of-my-financial-orbit. She created a line for Target, very affordable and beautiful, that debuted at the end of August. Checking it out online, the website said almost every piece was sold out. I called “major bs’ on that, went to the nearest Target, and every single piece was there.

 Favorite iPhone Apps

My addictions. Excuse me, iPhone addictions, no need to mention others at this time. In no particular order, my favorite apps of the moment are: Words with Friends, Angry Birds, Unblock Me, Search 60, Koi Pond, Epic Win, This American Life, and WordZinga. I know, tragic. But really fun.

Must go heave-ho.

Later.