Hilarious Kids on Hores and History

Teacher/Daughter entertained us the other evening with an email she’d received. It was a third-grader’s “essay”titled, “I Like Hores“. Sharing ….

“I like hores. Hores have other hores friends. Hores like carots. You wouldn’t think they coud but they can put their legs strait up. Hores make you feel good. My dad wants a hores but my mom says no. When I am 16 or 20 I Will buy my own hores.”

This reminded me of something I read 15 years ago. Richard Lederer put together a compilation of history essays written by kids. The entire piece was/is wet-your-pants material. In an effort to keep you high and dry, I’ll just repeat my favorites:

  • “The Greeks had myths. A myth is a female moth.”
  • Regarding the Olympic Games – “….Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.”
  • “Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.”
  • “Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak.”
  • “Martin Luther … died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.”
  • “Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.”
  • “Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.”
  • “Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.”
  • “… George Washington had big balls and everyone enjoyed them.”
  • “Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. His mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin he built with his own hands.”
  • “Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards…Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.”

Ha Ha Ha! Have a great day!

Later.