Snarky Thursday: A Book, A List, & Questionable Songs

 

It’s a beautiful day in Snarkville. As I sit here at my desk, looking out the window, my eyes fix on two birds. One is big and fat, the other needs more meat on her bones. I know she is a she because BIG FATTY is trying to have his way with her. I must say, he is not subtle. He has repeatedly jumped on her back and bounced around. GET A ROOM NEST WHY DON’T ‘CHA!

Just finished “Bossypants” by Tina Fey. She’s funny. She thinks funny, she writes funny. I wonder if she has an extra pair of bossypants? Mine mistakenly went into last year’s Goodwill pile. Speaking of pants, I was horrified when recently wandered into the lingerie department of Nameless Store. All of the undies were psycho neon but that wasn’t the problem. Every pair were size 70XXXL granny panties. Must have wandered into alternate underwear universe; happens all the time.

Have been inventing jobs possibilities; the latest are:

  • Passive/Aggressive Mean Letter/Email Writer
  • Bird Hotelier (see above)
  • Telemarketer Whistle Sales – ok, this is GOOD. I could sell a line of whistles that attach to the phone. When telemarketers call, you answer the phone and immediately blow that sucker with gusto. Presto! Your number is off their list. I know of what I speak and this is a necessary item now that the sneaky telemarketers have started using cell numbers. Also effective for all sorts of people in your life. Think about it.

I’m not a fan of questionable song titles. But they do demand an answer, non? I blame this rant on Miss Britney Spears‘ cover of a Bellamy Brothers’ song. The rest of those listed are real as well. Meh!

  • “If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body, Would You Hold It Against Me? No, but I will punch you in the nose.
  • “Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?” Because you are stupid and have a urinary tract infection which is nothing to sing about.
  • “How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?” Not. My. Problem. Stop. Whining.
  • “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” Because you suck. 🙂
  • “Can You Feel The Love Tonight?” Zip up your pants and beat it, Buster!
  • “Do Ya Think I’m Sexy?” Nope, but I think your pants are way too tight.
  • “Where Did I Go Wrong?” You were born.
  • “Tommy, Can You Hear Me?” No. Duh. Deaf mute.
  • “How Can Anybody Possibly Know How I Feel?” They don’t. Shut up.
  • “Am I Going Insane?” Yes. Yes you are.
  • “Why Bother?” My point exactly.
  • “What If No One’s Watching?” Trust me, they aren’t.

Gotta dash – it’s time to watch paint peel. I will leave you with today’s snark; tuck it away as you might need it.

“I’m going to memorize your name and throw my head away.”

(anonymous)

Sooner or later.

 

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