I am a living, breathing contradiction. While I really don’t like all this “looking back” on the TV, the radio, the internet, I must review my year as it has been a humdinger in the form of life lessons. And say my blessings. It has been good. And you have to get to good in order to move on to better.
This years started out as bipolar time. Major players in my family were seriously ill and I had the extreme pleasure of participating in my godchild’s wedding festivities which began at noon on January 1st. Mercifully, the extremes all melded. The ride throughout the following months was not unlike a white water rafting trip, beginner level.
It’s true, you know, about the seasons of life. People come in and out. I used to think that was a bad thing, but I’ve been around long enough to know otherwise. I miss the loved ones whose seasons ended this year, but death cannot erase my happy memories of them. As for the others, I can honestly say it’s all good. I’m positive I will forget very important occurrences, but, for now, here’s what I am reminded of:
- Started this blog in January. There is no way I could have imagined the richness my blog friends have brought to my life. No way. It began as a resource fueled by my need to write. While I love writing, there was no way to know that the pleasures, the friendships, the support, the caring for others and their writing would be the gift.
- I didn’t even try to “fix” anyone this year. That isn’t my job – because I am nowhere near perfect, because I am not a therapist, because it is an impossible task. If you need fixin’, you must fix yourself. Period.
- Laughter. I have laughed more this year that I have in the past five. With dear friends in beautiful locales, with dear friends in shit city. With strangers and acquaintances. Love this.
- Began cooking again. Learned to bake. Practiced the art of Kanzashi until my fingers bled. Learned to step back and take a breath instead of jumping to conclusions. Began the task of clearing away the clutter, in my home and in my heart. Never stop learning.
- Took a long walk off a short pier in several areas of life: job and personal. No regrets. Leaving what you know, good or bad, for the unknown is scary. But so pregnant with possibilities and opportunities. I am thankful. Very thankful.
- Take nothing for granted. I try.
- Just try to love people the best you can. I know my limits. There are those who I can throw my arms around and hang with all day. And there are others I must keep at a distance. But I love them all, anyway.
On December 23rd, I went with my dear friends to participate in a church service and dinner. It was held at The Church Under the Bridge for the homeless. I cannot express how touched I was by the crowd and the individuals I was privileged to meet. The ground is level, indeed. During the service, I sat between two men. Troubled, of course. But educated, kind, courteous, and compassionate. At one point during the evening, it got so cold. The man to my left took his blanket and put it over me so I wouldn’t suffer. Who helped who? Enough said.
As the year comes to an end, I’m full of contradictions. Armed with two editions of The Snark Handbook by Lawrence Dorfman, The Awe-Manac, A Daily Dose of Wonder by Jill Badonsky, a million ideas for my new business – well, I’ve got much to do. And much to do better than before. I will greet the new year as a single woman of a certain age, blessed with friends and family. And I will paint this life with broad, colorful strokes in bold colors, even though I am most certainly stepping out on that wire with no safety net. Just have to see what the day brings. This IS how I roll.
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL MY FRIENDS EVERYWHERE. MAY IT BE THE BEST YET!