Arsenic on the Rocks with Salt, PLEASE!

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Today is the last day of the week.  It better be as far as I’m concerned.  After a six-day roller coaster ride full of false starts and insane requests, coupled with stress x 325, I feel a bit of a rant coming on.  Sharing …

  • Nights and Days of the Living Dead:  I live in a midrise.  Every single fire alarm in every single room of every single residence – as well as all the hallways – had to be checked. This took three days.  Yeah, yeah, it’s for safety, I get that.  And we were warned to board animals and don earplugs as the sound would be deafening.  Understatement.  We have all been zombified.
  • No Good Deed Goes Unpunished:  Had some editing work to do for an author.  I was instructed to stop when my fee reached a certain figure.  This guy is a friend, there was a lot of material to reconfigure, so I did a full edit.  I left money on the table but can’t stop myself when words get in the way.  Sent him his edit and then received an email requesting no less than five more hours of editing for free.  My head said, “Dude, are you frigging kidding me?”. Instead, I told him to put his own suggestions into words and see what he comes up with.  Like some $$$$$!
  • Why You Gotta Be So Rude?  Went to a lovely small gathering Friday night.  Met a new couple from London; they were fun and interesting.  At the end of the evening, we are all at the door, thanking our host and hostess.  Mrs. London invited host and hostess to brunch today.  She added, “We can take them but it would be more fun, just the four of us.” EXCUSE ME. “Them” included me and another person; we have ears and we were standing right next to her.  It would behoove this muppet to grab an etiquette book AND keep her stiff upper – and lower – British lips zipped. Gah!

Enough!

Off to sip my arsenic cocktail while watching Wolf Hall.

Later.

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Hilarious Kids on Hores and History

Teacher/Daughter entertained us the other evening with an email she’d received. It was a third-grader’s “essay”titled, “I Like Hores“. Sharing ….

“I like hores. Hores have other hores friends. Hores like carots. You wouldn’t think they coud but they can put their legs strait up. Hores make you feel good. My dad wants a hores but my mom says no. When I am 16 or 20 I Will buy my own hores.”

This reminded me of something I read 15 years ago. Richard Lederer put together a compilation of history essays written by kids. The entire piece was/is wet-your-pants material. In an effort to keep you high and dry, I’ll just repeat my favorites:

  • “The Greeks had myths. A myth is a female moth.”
  • Regarding the Olympic Games – “….Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.”
  • “Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock.”
  • “Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak.”
  • “Martin Luther … died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull.”
  • “Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee.”
  • “Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years.”
  • “Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.”
  • “… George Washington had big balls and everyone enjoyed them.”
  • “Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. His mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin he built with his own hands.”
  • “Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards…Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.”

Ha Ha Ha! Have a great day!

Later.

Just Gotta Say

A couple of days ago, I read a post on “Freshly Pressed” by Joy Victory.  Entitled, “Five Ways to Get Featured on Freshly Pressed”, the piece revealed how posts are picked and why.  I’m quite sure the WordPress gang gets inundated on a daily basis with “how to” requests regarding “Freshly Pressed”.

I found the piece to be instructive and interesting.  But it bothered me as well. I really like finding new people and new ideas by reading “Freshly Pressed”.  I’m also thrilled when I see my favorite bloggers featured, as many more readers will find them and these bloggers write so well, this recognition is great.

After reading the article – along with all the comments that have followed, I am disturbed.  It’s a personal thing and everyone has a choice.  But there appeared to be an overwhelming number of grateful bloggers who will use this as their writing guideline in hopes of getting “pressed”.  I write because I have to.  It is just like breathing to me.  That is the freedom and beauty of blogging, in my mind.  If someone identifies with my writing, if we have something in common, great.  If not, great, too.  It’s about the process.

Victory’s points were very clear.  No “bad stuff”.  Understandable but debatable about what truly is and isn’t “bad stuff”.  Use images. Makes perfect sense but this does exclude the image-challenged and they just might have really great things to say as well. Tags. Tags are a big duh. But some must be reminded so good info. Typo-free content. That is interesting since I use the spellchecker and proofreader, go over my writing ad nauseum, and still find issues. Compelling headlines.  Another duh, but a reminder is always welcome.  “The dog walked around” compels me to hit the back button asap.

This post is most likely a wordy coffin nail, assuring the WordPress world I will never be “Freshly Pressed”.  But that’s fine by me as it is not my goal here.  I already have a day job where I must follow the rules to accomplish what is expected of me.  Blogging is my pleasure.  And while I’m not interested in forcing myself to follow these aforementioned guidelines, I certainly won’t judge anyone who does. Free choice.  The world is big.  Something for everyone.

Just sayin’.